This is My "Why"

                                                                                                                            

This is Why I Do What I Do

September 19, 1998. A day I will always remember. The day my father's plane went down, just three miles short of the runway during the Vietnam War. I had just turned seven years old. I believe, with my whole heart and soul that this is when my teaching journey began.

You see, I was that trauma kid before it was even the educational initiative that it is now. And when we talk about teachers being trauma-sensitive, I was blessed to have a trauma-sensitive teacher before that was even a “thing.” Mrs. Maxine Moore, second grade teacher at Hawthorne Elementary School in Lincoln, Nebraska was that teacher for me.

After the “men in the 'official' Air Force car” came to our little duplex to give us the news, I refused to leave my mom. I would hide under the dining room table and cry. I didn't want to go to school. In my little seven year-old brain I thought that if I left my mom's side, she would die, too.

Enter Mrs. Moore and Mrs. Shuman, the guidance counselor. My mom would get me into the car...finally, and drive to the school. There, Mrs. Moore would greet me at the door; EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. She would take me to my classroom and give me odd jobs to do while she prepared for the day. I now know, being a teacher myself, that she could have easily done the things she gave me to do. She gave up her prep time for me in order to help me get back into the school routine and feel comfortable leaving my mom after my dad died. She instinctively knew what I needed. She was a rarity in an era when most teachers were very strict and by the book. She gave of herself for the safety and security of her students.

But the story doesn't end there! Mrs. Moore and I kept in touch, even after my mom remarried and we moved to the farm. My mom made sure that whenever we went to Lincoln, Mrs. Moore and I were able to see each other. Years later, when I made the decision to attend The University of Nebraska-Lincoln, it was the kindness and compassion of Mrs. Moore that drove me to choose the field of education. Mrs. Moore was now retired and still living in Lincoln. When I started college, she reached out to me and told me she would love for me to come to her home and talk about the things I was learning or to just get away from dorm life, if I needed a break. I even had Sunday dinners with her family.

You see, Mrs. Moore was a huge influencers in my life and still is today. As teachers, we may never know how far our influences will take our students. It is through the love and compassion of Mrs. Moore and many other countless amazing teachers I was blessed to know, that I am the teacher I am today. So, on the anniversary of my father's death, while I remember him with sadness and wondering how my life would have been different, I also remember, with profound gratitude, the compassion, kindness, and yes, love, of Mrs. Maxine Moore and I am forever grateful that she was there when I desperately needed her. I hope to be like her when I grow up!

Be a Voice, Not an Echo

     Have you ever thought that a statement might just be given to you for a purpose? That's what happened to me this morning. I was mindlessly scrolling through Facebook while drinking a mug of chai tea and waiting for the dryer to finish when this statement, from six years ago, popped up on my news feed: “Be A Voice, Not An Echo.” It made me stop and think. So here goes. I'm being a voice.

     To say this past school year was rough would be a huge understatement. In the process of jumping through hoops for three sets of hoops, (district, building, and Head Start)  I lost myself, my focus, and my identity. Reflecting this summer has helped me see that and it breaks my heart.

First of all, I moved to a new school district. Learning the cultural norms of a new district is tough. Not knowing the ins and outs of the building and district is daunting for any new teacher, whether they are a veteran teacher or fresh from college. I knew no one and felt like I needed to show everyone that I was a good teacher and worthy colleague. This was only my perception.

     Secondly, and probably my biggest downfall personally, was that our school district was part of a collaborative agreement with Head Start. I have never, nor will ever, look at a child differently because of their socio-economic status, color of their skin, the family's religious preference, learning exceptionalities, or even their behavior. To me, all little people are the same and have, relatively, the same needs; to be loved and to explore and be curious. All kids are equal in that arena.

So back to this previous school year. Because Head Start is a federal program, they need to follow certain governmental procedures and policies. Understood. The struggle was that old adage: “It's always been done that way.” I had two classroom aides, that were paid by Head Start. I am paid by the school district. My aides were immersed in “The Head Start Way,” and could not, or chose not to, bend to my way of thinking about what's best for kids and thirty-four years of experience in Early Childhood Education. My aides were, in fact, telling me how I should run my classroom. Honestly, it got to the point where I would get out the Head Start manual and ask them to show me the policy.  Unless it was a governmental policy, I told my aides that we were doing it my way. This caused a huge division in our classroom. This was were I got lost. My whole mindset was changed. I went from thinking “This is what's best for kids,” to “Can I teach this without causing a conflict between myself and my aides?” I completely lost what was best for kids. I can see that now, a month after school is out. It has taken that long to unravel all of that in my mind.

     To the families of last year's students, I'm sorry! I did the best I could given the circumstances. I tried not to let it show with your sweet, precious, children. They are what kept me grounded. Please know that. To my team, my tribe; thank you for your undying support! I couldn't have made it without you! To building and district leadership; next year will be better. That is my promise to you. I will be better. My focus will be on what truly matters; the children. As for the coming year-watch out! I'm back and will be advocating for children with an unmatched love and fierceness!

Why You Need To Practice Self-Care

     Many people in the education field are now taking notice of the need for self-care. We love our students, Of course, we do. However, sometimes the burdens these little people bring to our classrooms are even too much for us to believe, much less understand, and we being to internalize how to best serve these children who have been subjected to so much in their short little lives. This is when it becomes time to find some healthy ways to take care of ourselves or the burden of teaching, maintaining a household, and having some form of social life with break you.

     The book, “Balance Like a Pirate,” by authors Jessica Cabeen, Jessica Johnson, and Sarah Johnson will give you some great ideas on just how to do that. They break down your time into four quadrants: Personal, Professional, Positional, and Passion. Personal balances are the responsibilities you have outside of your job and what you do to maintain and grow them. Positional balances is all about your real job and it's demands on your time. Professional balance is how you are going about learning more and moving forward. Passion balance is about the things that set your soul on fire. Finding and maintaining a balance between these four quadrants is tough!

     This is my “why” about the importance of self-care in my life. A year ago, I switched school districts for a wide number of reasons. I was, and am, still teaching preschool. Just in a neighboring district. To say that the transition was smooth sailing would be a boldfaced lie! There were some things I was not aware of going in. The biggest of which was that there was a Memorandum of Understanding in place between the school district and another entity. For the sake of the length of this blog, let's just say the outside entity didn't play well in the sandbox with others. It was to be their way or the highway. There was nothing collaborative about it. To make matters worse, everything I did in the classroom was being reported back to the outside entity. Friends! I ended up being put on high blood pressure medication. I was trying so hard to keep cool on the outside, for the sake of my sweet children, that it was eating me up on the inside. I hated going to work. I wondered what fresh hell awaited me each day. If it weren't for my students, I probably would have ended up in the looney bin!

     By October, my body, mind, and soul were done! If I wasn't going to take notice, my body decided to do it for me. I had a full-blown, knock-you-on-your- butt migraine. I thought my head was going to explode!! I couldn't even get to the car so my husband could take me to the ER without throwing up. We had to call 911. When I got to the hospital, not even the “migraine cocktail” would take the edge off. It was that bad. The doctor even ordered a CAT scan to see if I had a brain bleed (I didn't. Praise the Lord!). That's was what it took! I decided then and there that I was going to start listening to my body.

     I no longer apologize for coming home after school and taking a nap or going to bed before 9 pm. I started journaling and documenting the things that were happening in my classroom. Just getting it out there, even if no one saw it, was huge. I called on my tribe of friends both at work and outside of work, even my Twitter PLN, to reinforce, that in my teaching methods, I was doing the right thing. I thought that I was, but with all of the negativity around me, I had begun to doubt myself and my teaching abilities. The problems in my classroom worked themselves out and we completed the year strong and, best of all, happy!

     One of the things that was mentioned in “Balance Like a Pirate” was getting back to your passions. I've gone back to playing my grandma's piano that's been sitting idly in our living room. I've been doing “closet karaoke” when it's just me and the dogs at home during the day. They aren't quite sure what to think! Ha!

I just want all of you that took the time to read this that self-care should not be looked at as a luxury. I learned the hard way that it is vital to your every day functioning and your health. Please think about carving out some “me time” before your body does it for you.

Reflecting on Thirty-Four Years of Teaching

Those of you who know me well know that this school year has been a real struggle, to put it lightly! I've always believed that God never gives us more than we can handle and He must have had a lot more faith in me than I did in myself.

The year started off with a new-to-me- district nearby, going from two half-day classes of four-year olds to a full-day class of four-year olds. I was skeptical that four-year olds could handle full-day preschool. However, my sweet children rose to the task and I ended up absolutely loving it! Building those always-important relationships with kids, and their families, is so much easier when you have the kids all day. What made it even better is that the school and district administration support play-based education! As our State Commission of Education, Dr. Randy Watson, said at a conference I attended, “I believe that every child under the age of eight years old should have a play-based education.” AMEN!!

The tough part was that our district was part of a collaborative agreement with another entity. While our district was very flexible, the other group was not. I found myself battling their procedures and practices at every turn. Every turn! I have twenty-one pages of documentation. Some of what this entity stood for, in theory, is right and noble. The way that they were going about enforcing their policies and agenda, not so much. It was SO tough and much for what they wanted me to do was that ugly old monster,”that's the way it's always been done,” and no one could show me where it was a policy. I ended up on high blood pressure medication and more frequent visits to my amazing chiropractor to get rid of the tension in my neck and shoulders. Were it not for my prayerful, sweet mentor, and the amazing and supportive staff in the building and district offices, I'm not sure I would have lasted the year. It was that bad!

     And oh, my gosh!! Let's not forget the children! I was blessed with some of the sweetest children to ever have graced this Earth! Their smiles and their eagerness to learn made coming to work each day a blessing and something to look forward to. They truly LOVE to learn and made it so easy to teach them more. And crafts?? They loved doing crafts! “Mrs. Jenkins! What's our craft today?!?” They wanted to create and had a blast doing it! I feel that what they loved the most about crafts was that I gave them permission to be different. What they created didn't have to look just like mine. They were free to use their imaginations, and that was okay!

     At the end of the school year, we had a celebration, and our class of preschoolers rose to the occasion once again! We recited The Pledge of Allegiance with our families, sang our Days of the Week Song, followed by two songs, Dr. Jean's "May There Always Be Sunshine" and Jack Hartmann's "One Small Voice" with sign language, and finally, The Kindergarten Rap. Then we shared punch and cookies with our families. The children were precious!

     Year thirty four taught me to trust in my abilities and lean on my tribe and lastly, to never, ever, forget my “why.”

 

It's Up to Us!

     I got an email the other day. It was entitled “You have the power to change a child's life.” I thought to myself, “Yes! This is what teaching is all about.” Teachers are tasked with making a difference in the lives of the children in their classes each and every year. Not just the children they WANT to have, but each and EVERY child that walks through their door.

     The startling facts are that some of our students have a less than idyllic life at home. There is poverty, substance abuse, joblessness, and a myriad of other events going on in their homes that takes away from them just being a kid. Many are handed a screen to keep them occupied, rather than healthy, family conversations. Many go to bed with a television blaring in their rooms, rather than cuddling with an adult, calming down from a busy day of being a kid, and hearing a bedtime story. Many have parents who are “just too busy” to spend quality time with their children.

     This is where teachers come in. We can't fix what's happening in their homes. But what we can do is provide our students with a place where they can learn, explore, and be challenged all while being loved, supported, and safe. We can let them be a kid without baggage. Just let them be little!!

     The email I received last week made me think of a student I had in kindergarten a while back. After Christmas Break, the children were all so excited to tell me what they got, that I had to stop what I “thought” was important and just let them take turns sharing. Little did I know that this would be such a memorable activity for everyone in the class! I am changing this particular child's name to “Adam”for his privacy. Here is his story:

     “Adam” is one of three children and the middle child. Mom was volatile and in a volatile relationship. All three children slept on the floor and were usually awakened by screaming matched between the adults in the home every night. Grandparents stepped in when they could or were allowed to. Fast forward to the day after Christmas Break. As we went around the Sharing Circle and each child shared about their Christmas gifts, we came to “Adam.” The question I had asked each child in the room was, “What was your favorite thing about Christmas Break?” (knowing that some of my students would not get the high-dollar items that others did. This gave them an opportunity to share anything they felt was special).

“Adam,” who didn't share much on a regular basis, launched into the most beautiful story I have ever heard from a young child! He told his friends about his favorite Christmas memory. It was a story about cuddling up in a rocking chair with his grandma while she read him the “real story about Christmas,” and watching the snow fall. As he told the story, the rest of the children got very quiet, their eyes were huge! It was almost as if they were in that rocking chair, cuddled under a blanket with him. 

 For me, this was the affirmation of what I believe: children don't really want things. They want time. If they aren't getting time at home, we can, and should, give them time at school. It's all about relationships!

"That Kid"

     When you dig as deeply as I have into children coming to us from trauma backgrounds, you see things through a very different lens. Now, whenever I watch tv or a movie, I see the circumstances of the characters differently.

Take, for example, “that kid.” You know the one. The kid who gets under your skin. That kid that you have to give a personal invitation to in order to get them to follow directions you've already given. “That kid.”

     I've learned that you shouldn't take that child's behavior personally. That kid is simply communicating an intense need. It is our job to build relationships with our students, to understand them, to know their likes and dislikes, to comfort them, to encourage and support them.

     Deep down, they're all good kids, with potential, with dreams and things that they care about. With many of these kids, we, as their teachers, don't get to see this. This is what they are feeling inside, why they act out. They are afraid. They are in pain. They are sad. They show us this with their anger and their defiance. They are the children who have been let down by important adults in their lives. They have learned not to count on anyone or anything. Because of this, what we see is acting out and defiance. It's a cover for the pain they are feeling.

     This is their cry for help! They want the same thing everyone else does. They want safety, security, and to be loved. These kids are fragile. They want the same thing every other kid wants. They just have so much junk in the way, in their homes, and in their developing minds.

     Here's how teachers can help. Ask them questions. Give them a safe place to be. Maybe, slowly, they will learn to trust you. Or it could take a long time, and you won’t see any progress in your time with them, but your patience, love and kindness toward “that kid” will plant a feeling, an idea, that could grow and bloom several years later. Just love them. Everything else will fall into place.

I Can't Do It...

As the end of yet another school year is quickly approaching, I cannot, and will not, countdown to the last day with my students. I simply can't do it. I've never been able to. Have there been times in the past thirty five years that I've thought about it? I'd be lying to you if I said “no.” Still, I've never been able to countdown.  

    Why, you might ask? There are many reasons, but     what it boils down to is that in my tiny little classroom, year after year, we've become a family. When you spend 150+ days together, it's hard not to. Of the sixteen students currently in class, thirteen of them have been with me since Day #1!

This year, I found something a little different to do with my students. I took a picture of each of them and asked me to tell them something they felt they were good at. Next, I put their picture with their statement they gave me on the bulletin board. Each day, I'm going to take down the one belonging to the Special Helper for the day, glue it into the middle of a piece of poster board, and ask each child in the class to tell me something they like about that student. I'm going to write it on the poster board surrounding the Special Helper's picture and give it to them as a keepsake for their time in my classroom.

     I started today. Let me tell you, when it came time for the rest of the class to tell me something they liked about the child in the center, I almost cried in front of the whole class! They were so sweet and kind! I thought to myself, “If all I've done this year is to teach them to be kind to one another, then that's good enough for me!” This group of children who came together with me, a new teacher in the building and some not knowing one another have become a tight-knit group of children. I pray that they continue to be these caring, compassionate children as they grow. The world we live in needs more of this.

When I think of this year's class and their kindness and empathy, I am constantly reminded of Isaiah 11:6, where it says, “and a child shall lead them.” That's how I feel about these children! They can be leaders with their kindness.

Each year, I know I'm going to miss my students and each year it's for a different reason because each class is unique. Building relationships is hard work, but oh, so worth it!!