"That Kid"

     When you dig as deeply as I have into children coming to us from trauma backgrounds, you see things through a very different lens. Now, whenever I watch tv or a movie, I see the circumstances of the characters differently.

Take, for example, “that kid.” You know the one. The kid who gets under your skin. That kid that you have to give a personal invitation to in order to get them to follow directions you've already given. “That kid.”

     I've learned that you shouldn't take that child's behavior personally. That kid is simply communicating an intense need. It is our job to build relationships with our students, to understand them, to know their likes and dislikes, to comfort them, to encourage and support them.

     Deep down, they're all good kids, with potential, with dreams and things that they care about. With many of these kids, we, as their teachers, don't get to see this. This is what they are feeling inside, why they act out. They are afraid. They are in pain. They are sad. They show us this with their anger and their defiance. They are the children who have been let down by important adults in their lives. They have learned not to count on anyone or anything. Because of this, what we see is acting out and defiance. It's a cover for the pain they are feeling.

     This is their cry for help! They want the same thing everyone else does. They want safety, security, and to be loved. These kids are fragile. They want the same thing every other kid wants. They just have so much junk in the way, in their homes, and in their developing minds.

     Here's how teachers can help. Ask them questions. Give them a safe place to be. Maybe, slowly, they will learn to trust you. Or it could take a long time, and you won’t see any progress in your time with them, but your patience, love and kindness toward “that kid” will plant a feeling, an idea, that could grow and bloom several years later. Just love them. Everything else will fall into place.