Monday, February 17, 2020

Tell Your Story-Ripples


I'll never forget the day that the big black car with the two men in full Air Force dress uniforms knocked on the door of our tiny duplex in Lincoln, Nebraska, before school on September 20th, 1968.

When I was seven years old, my father was killed in Vietnam. He was returning from a routine flight in a fighter jet and crashed just three miles short of the runway. No one can explain the crash or why he was even flying that plane. You see, he was trained to fly the largest planes, the B-52 bombers. Why he was flying a jet remains a mystery. His plane was not shot down, nor did he report any mechanical difficulties. It just went down. My father was pinned beneath the wreckage and it was said that he died instantly. The news of my father's death was so devastating that after the two men left, I remember just sitting on my mom's lap with my younger brother and crying our hearts out.

Later that week, we had to fly to Long Island, New York, because that's where my dad was raised and where the family burial plot was. That where my grandmother wanted him buried, although he could have been buried in Arlington. But he was her only child and she wanted him close. I remember staying at my grandmother's house with a family member during the church service because my mother thought it best my brother and I not go to the church. After the church service, we were picked up and taken to the cemetery for the burial.

Upon returning home, I was so afraid that something would happen to my mom. I didn't want to go to school. I screamed, cried, and hid under the dining room table. I didn't want to go to school. The logic of a seven-year old: My dad dies when I was in school, so maybe my mom would, too. We were at an impasse.

My life was forever changed by two incredibly caring educators. Two women to whom I will never be able to repay my debt—Louise Shuman and Maxine Moore, the elementary school counselor and my second grade teacher, respectively.

At school each morning, my mother would drop my brother and me off at the designated door. One of these ladies would be there waiting for us every day. I remember sitting in Mrs. Shuman's office, talking and coloring pictures. Mrs. Shuman's office provided me a quiet place, a place where I could come to school and feel safe. A place where someone would listen to me, my thoughts, and my worries. Who I remember most, though, is Mrs. Moore.
Mrs. Moore would allow me to come into her classroom before the rest of my classmates each day and doo odd jobs for her. I sharpened pencils, passed out morning work, and did other small jobs for her. These are things she would have normally done herself, but she saved them for me. We would talk, which allowed me to feel comfortable in the classroom before the rest of my classmates arrived. Her compassion, caring, and understanding were game-changers for this scared little second grader. You would have thought the story ended there. It did not.

The next year my mom remarried and we moved to a farm a couple of hours away from Lincoln. Even though we lived in a different community, we still kept the same dentist back in Lincoln. Every time we'd go to the dentist, we'd meet Mrs. Moore for an after-school snack. Secretly, my mom and Mrs. Moore worked together to make sure this happened. Because Mrs. Moore cared that much, she wanted to stay in touch with my family and me. I never did lose the connection that Mrs. Moore and I had built over the years.

After high school, I returned to Lincoln for college. One of the first teachers to influence my young life in a positive way continued to impact me and my future. Mrs. Moore, my second grade teacher, wrote one of my reference letters for my acceptance into the University of Nebraksa-Lincoln. Because of her amazing influence and compassion, I, too, decided that I wanted to be a teacher. I had a dual major in Elementary Education and Early Childhood Education with a minor in music education. Many evenings, throughout my college career, you could find me at Mrs. Moore's home, studying or talking about current trends in education. In addition, on those weekend that I didn't go home to the farm, you could find me enjoying Sunday dinner with the Moore family. The impact that Mrs. Moore had on me when I was just sever years old and the bond we formed lead me to a career in education and the desire to focus on relationship-building in my own classroom.
Now, as I have been teaching over thirty years in the area of early childhood education, Mrs. Moore is on my mind each and every day. She was the first teacher, of so many, to have a positive impact on my life. I do my best to emulate the care and compassion I learned very early on from Mrs. Moore. The relationships that teachers build with their students can be long-lasting.. What I learned from Maxine Moore is that you never know how your influence on the life of a child will impact them! In all that you do, show every child that you love them and want what is best for them. Her care, compassion, and life-long connection started with a little, scared second grade girl who needed her. She had no idea what the long-lasting, far-reaching impact would be. Yet she inspired a life of learning and a life of teaching. Her gentle guidance kept me headed in the right direction. That ripple reaches out in directions and guides in ways we may never know.

Saturday, February 1, 2020

Triggers


Triggers

     When a person has been through a traumatic experience(s) and had the resources to com out on the other side, there are still sensory and verbal triggers that can bring it all rushing back. Sometimes it can be a certain smell, like cologne or perfume, or even a food. Other times, certain words or phrases could be a trigger.
     In my case, the first is seeing any type of military aircraft. My dad was an Air Force pilot and his plane went down in Vietnam when I was seven years old. So when we go to football games, and there's a fly-over, I get teary. Every time, even though it was more than fifty years ago.
     Another one is “You owe it to me.” This will almost always force me to curl up inside myself and rock and cry. This is why I take anti-anxiety medication. The phrase may not have anything at all to do with what happened when I lived in California. Just hearing those five words blocks everything else out and I'm back in the moment. Scary stuff!
     The last one has to do with when I taught in Leavenworth and had a parent threaten me. He was referred to DCF (not by me, but another school employee) and this father thought I had made the referral. “I have guns and I'm not afraid to use them.” Holy crap! In addition, he went into the local DCF offices and trashed them, overturning tables, desks, and chairs. The school was put on lock down. However, I was in the original four-room school,” that was not attached to the main school building. This building housed music, art, gym/cafeteria, and my classroom. Because of the classes going back and forth, it was never locked. NEVER.
     My principal came up with a “code word” I was to use on the intercom if this parent ever came out of the gym, toward my classroom. It was “I need a dozen new pencils.” So, you can pretty much guess what happened when this parent came toward my room, which he had a restraining order against doing, but since he didn't need to go past the office, no one knew he was in the building. I locked the door and called the office. I said, “I need a dozen new pencils.” They sent a sixth grader over with twelve new pencils.... It's comical if you aren't living it. It was one of two times I ever dropped the f-bomb on a principal. His code word and he couldn't even get that right. I told him I was done. That if I saw this parent, who had a restraining order, I wouldn't be calling the office. I would be calling the police. Do you know how quickly police respond to a school? I do!
     I say this because we need to be aware of how we talk to people and what we could inadvertently say that could be a trigger. We also need to be aware and think about what we could do to help diffuse the situation if it happens. Helping people who have be through something traumatic needs to be something we think about in the same way we think about, and practice, crisis drills. You can't plan for every scenario, but you can be aware of calming strategies.