Today, an article popped up on my Facebook news feed. It was about the deaths related to domestic violence being the highest they've been in the past twenty years in the state of Kansas. As a domestic violence survivor, I felt compelled to use my blog platform to address this.
There is quite a bit of information coming out now about mental illness, as well as generational abuse. Some children are victims of their upbringing. If they were abused as a child, they sometimes grow up to be abusers.
In my own case, I believe it was the latter. My former mother-in-law had mementoes of her physical altercations with her mother-in-law displayed in her home. She also moved out the family's antiques in the middle of the night. So to say the family was dysfunctional is an understatement. If I'd only known then, what I know know, about children growing up in trauma.
There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that, had I stayed, I would not be here to write this blog. I remember, one time him saying to me, "You'll never leave me. I'll kill you first!" He was a hunter, so he had access to guns and hunting knives. So I stayed. I remember holding our baby daughter when he punched me in the arm, so hard that it bruised into my breast. I left, but went back. I remember being thrown down on our bed and raped. I was so afraid of him, I stayed. I remember coming back from a weekend visiting family, and finding glittery pantyhose in our daughter's bed. They were not her size. That was the final straw. It's one thing to endanger the life and safety of a grown adult. It's a completely different story when it's the life of your child!
I asked him to leave and figure out his priorities. He said, "If you want me out, file!" I gave all the weapons in our home to a friend for safe-keeping. I had another friend help me move all of his stuff to the garage. I had the locks changed. And I filed. He could only get into the garage to get his stuff.
I stayed in the state where we were living until the divorce was final. Then I moved back home, with our three year old. Because he had family in the same state, he didn't fight me on moving back. I could tell you that the story ended there. It did not. I have made my own peace this relationship and my past. There is so much more to the story. It is not mine to share, so I will just leave it at that.
What I will say is that I see domestic abuse and neglect on the rise each and every day. I pray for the victims of domestic abuse and violence. I consider myself and my daughter two of the lucky ones, but not without our own damage. At least we're both alive, unlike the so many victims that were not as fortunate.
If you are a victim of domestic abuse, please, seek help. your life could depend on it.
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