It's All About Relationships

     .....especially in PreK.
     In many ways, teaching preschoolers is like having two classes, the precious children AND their parents.  For many parents, this is their first experience with the public school system.  As their child's teacher, it is my job to help them navigate that new world.  This is a task that I DO NOT take lightly! Building relationships with those families is of the utmost importance to me!  If the relationship is intact, the teaching is the easy part.
     Building relationships with my students has always been critical to me.  Children learn better when they feel safe and valued.  I spend the first couple of weeks setting the routines and procedures, as I'm sure all professional educators do.  What I also teach, and build on for the rest of the year, is the safety and valued piece.  We talk about being a good friend, conflict resolution, and a wide variety of social skills. 
     There is a great educator, who was gone too soon, that sums it up best for me.  She said, "Kids don't learn from people they don't like."  I love her!!  Please enjoy this clip.https://www.ted.com/talks/rita_pierson_every_kid_needs_a_champion/transcript?language=en

Communicating With Parents

     As a new school year rapidly approaches, I thought I would share with readers my thoughts on communicating with the parents of the students who will be entrusted to my care in the upcoming school year.  Hold on to your hats!  Some of you will not agree with me.  I'm telling you, this works for me.  It may be outside your comfort zone and that's okay.
     Each year, after I get my long awaited for class list, I call the parents of my new students.  I use this call to introduce myself as their child's teacher for the upcoming school year, ask if they have any questions or concerns before school starts, invite them to Back-to-School Night, and ask if there is anything they would like to tell me about their child.  I feel like this helps to get the school year off on a positive note.
     In addition, I give parents my cell phone number.  I know many of you are cringing at this, so hear me out!  I tell parents that I will only respond after 6 a.m. and until 9 p.m., and not while I'm teaching.  To assure this is followed, I turn off the volume on my phone.  Outside of the time constraints, parents are welcome to leave a message.  I have unlimited calling and texting.  In one instance, I had a mom call and leave a message at 1 a.m.  The student's grandmother was being life-flighted and mom wanted me to know that her child had had a short night and would need some extra TLC.  It's about building connections, people!  Honestly, in the eight years I've been doing this, not once has a parent abused calling my phone.  The fact that it's a cell phone makes tracing it to my home address nearly impossible.
     Another way of keeping the lines of communication open is through Facebook.  Nearly all of the parents have this already.  I make the setting for our class Facebook group "secret" so that no one outside of the group can see what is posted by me or by other group members.  This comes in very handy for posting reminders, giving new information, and sharing pictures or articles.
     While I also speak to parents in face-to-face conversations and newsletters and notes home, I feel these other forms of communication adds to and helps to build those crucial family relationships.

Reflection on Year #32

     This school year, I took a step out of my comfort zone of the past five years and asked for an inner-district transfer from Kindergarten to Preschool.  This included a change of school buildings, as well.  Looking back, this move was completely a God-thing!
     This past school year has been nothing but blessings! 
     The first blessing is a non-material blessing in the form of our classroom aide.  She has the logic where I have the determination to stay the course.  Sometimes I had to let the plans go and just let the students go outside and be kids.  She saw that when I was being bull-headed and wanting to teach.  In addition, our aide could have taught the class, and sometimes did!  She was a God-send and I am looking forward to her being in our class again next year!
     The second blessing was a kind, caring, and compassionate team of teachers. I  knew there were many out there, but to have a group such as the one I worked with this past year, all in one place, was life-changing.  The things these teachers do, day in and day out, for their students is inspiring!
     The third blessing was being given free-range, with the exception of the district phonics program, to do whatever I thought was best for my students.  Our students learned without even knowing they were learning!  Not only that, they learned to be kind to one another.  This was evidenced in the end-of-the-year assessments.  Such growth in the students!
     Last, but certainly not least, the relationships!  The relationships with the students.  Such an amazing group of "littles." Their parents.  Open communication with parents of students through phone calls, texting, a private Facebook group, monthly newsletter, other notes home, and face-to-face communication built relationships that will last way past their child's classroom experience.  Relationships with the faculty.  I've been awarded the opportunity to work,on  a daily basis, with truly amazing, edgy, caring people.  All of these people have made me excited to come to work each day.  I thank them all!
     After thirty-two years of teaching, I can honestly say I am renewed and inspired.  The best is yet to come!

I Wish...

I Wish…

(When I say “students” or “parents,” I am speaking from 30+ years in education, not necessarily just the present)

I wish that the politicians making decisions about education understood the magnitude of the damage they are doing to the youngest and most vulnerable of our population.

I wish that those who make decisions about curriculum would understand developmentally appropriate practices.

I wish that my students could remain young and innocent.

I wish people would understand the importance of outdoor play and that my students didn’t spend so much time on a screen and more time playing cards and board games with their families.

I wish some of my students hadn’t had the experiences that make them act out and become so angry.

I wish my students could experience family mealtime with no background noise and all family members sitting at the table, talking about their day.

I wish my students were read to every day.

I wish parents didn’t think, or say, “It’s only preschool.” Or “It’s only kindergarten.”

I wish people didn’t think “all you do is play all day.”  There is very important learning of social skills that can only be experienced through play, as well as brain growth through using their imaginations.

I wish none of my students ever had to experience Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs).

I wish none of my students had to live in poverty.

I wish my “littles” would never see inappropriate-for-their-age movies or video games.

I wish my students had chores.

I wish my students weren’t “bubble-wrapped.”  Failure is always a learning experience.  Children who are not allowed to fail will never know what it’s like to experience success after working hard to accomplish a task.

I wish my students didn’t have TVs in their bedrooms and were able to calm themselves to sleep.  Reading to a child and talking about their day is very calming.  So is soothing, instrumental music.

I wish my four and five year-olds didn’t know what “the middle finger” was.

I wish parents understood that sometimes the things they see and hear at home sometimes scare their children.

I wish people believed that I know what I’m talking about, and listen to what I have to say.  I do have a double major in Elementary and Early Childhood Education and a masters in Education, plus 31+ years of experience.

I wish that others understood that while I have, and have had, two classes, that I have the largest number of students to impact on a daily basis. At one point in my career, two classes of 21.  That’s 42 students…every day.

I wish the families understood that I welcome the opportunity to see each of them, even after they are no longer in my class.  It is not in my DNA to turn my love for them off at the end of the school year.

I wish my students could know how very much I love them, each for their own unique qualities.

 

Why I Am NOT Counting Down

     Don't ask me how many days of school are left.  I don't know and I don't want to know.  This school year, I made a change.  I left a kindergarten position I had been in for five years.  I also left a building and staff that I was very familiar with and many people that I love.  Why?  I needed a change.  I needed the chance to spread my tired old wings and do something different.  I am so very thankful I was given that opportunity!
     Last Spring, I asked for a transfer to another building in the district and the chance to teach Preschool again.  Not only did I meet AMAZING teachers and support staff in my new building, but I rediscovered my passion for teaching!  I've had the opportunity to partner with many amazing families in helping their children become Kindergarten-ready.  Challenging?  Yes!  Sometimes heart-breaking?  Yes!  Rewarding?  A thousand times YES!
     I feel like the act of counting down to the end of the school year may cause some anxiety in some of my students.  When school is out, their routine and schedule will dramatically change.  They won't have the consistency of our daily classroom routine.  For some little ones, this is scary and they don't know how to voice their concerns yet.
     Selfishly, I'm not ready to know how many more days I have with them.  I have watched them change so much this year.  No longer are they the shy, scared children I got last August.  Now, they are confident, well-spoken people and ready, so ready, for kindergarten, but I don't want them to go.  I'm not ready...even if they are!

Parents Are Their Child's First Teachers

     While I would be the first person to tell you how important committed, compassionate, and knowledgeable teachers are in the life of a child, parents are the child's very first, and far more important, teachers.  Parents are the people responsible for instilling behaviors, good or bad in our children, not schools. Think about this:  A teacher is with their for about seven hours a day, five days a week, for about 30 weeks a year. That is not enough time to teach them how to behave on top of teaching them the curriculum.  Do teachers still teach school expectations and the rules?  Of course we do!  Every social setting has different norms of acceptable behavior and schools are no different.  That being said, parents are still responsible for teaching their children acceptable behaviors.
     Parents.  You are not your child's best friend.  You are a parent.  Your job is to instill good behaviors and morals and enforce the rules.  A best friend is a person who supports you in good times and bad but does not hold you accountable for your actions or discipline you. Parents are the ones who should hold their children accountable for their actions.  When parents choose not to follow rules, procedures, and expectations they are teaching their children that the rules don't apply to them or that given scenario and that is a disrespect of authority and social norms.
     Learned helplessness in a child, most times, is the fault of the parent.  While it's very easy to say, "Just let me do it."  In class, failure is embraced.  Failure is a learning opportunity to learn.  The age-old adage, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again." teaches a child to persevere.  Failure is part of growing up and kids need to learn to fail, then pick themselves up, brush themselves off and try again. They need to figure out how to follow instructions and they need to figure out what steps to take when they are not given instructions but simply a task to accomplish.
     When your child reaches school-age, please be your child's advocate.  You know your child best.  However, it is also important to Support your child's teacher by listening to them and understanding what they say about your child because your child may behave differently out of your presence than they do in it.  I know mine did.     
     When a teacher tells you about something abut your child, you should not ask your child if what their teacher is saying is true. You may think you are involving your child in the discussion, but what you have actually done is to question that teacher's reliability to their face. Think of it from the teacher's perspective. You have essentially told them that you won't believe what they just told you until your child confirms it.  When you contradict or question your child's teacher in front of your child, you are telling your child that the teacher's authority is not to be respected.
     Parents are doing a huge disservice to their kids. We are raising a generation of children who are going to be incapable of succeeding in the modern era. They are being taught to only think of themselves and to give up, sometimes before even trying.  Your job, as a parent is to set an example and teach your children the important lessons of life. Your child's teachers can supplement your lessons, but you are the ones who your kids will imitate, so give them something good to imitate.

Let's Talk About Playing

     So much on my mind, I just need to get it out there!
     The benefits of playing are the most important aspects of a child's young mind.  In playing, children develop the skills of problem-solving, cooperation, verbal and non-verbal communication, and their sense of curiosity.  They learn the important skills of taking turns, sharing, and getting along with others.  They learn to negotiate and to communicate with those around them.  Additionally, young children develop their fine and gross motor skills through play.
     Last week, I met in a vertical team meeting with kindergarten teachers to discuss what they wanted our preschoolers to know coming in to kindergarten.  Would you like to know what they said?  They said, "We want them to be able to play cooperatively."  That was the number one skill on their list!
     In an article by Gary Direnfeld, a social worker from Canada, this is the breakdown of the changes and challenges to parenting in the past 70 years:
To know what we can do differently, we first need to appreciate what’s creating challenges of children’s behavior and undermining a parent's authority. This brief history of the world is needed – or at least a brief history of the past 70 years. It goes like this:

• 1950’s: Intact two parent families with a primary breadwinner and a primary homemaker;

• 1960’s: Women’s Movement begins and gender equality begins to be examined publicly;
• 1970’s: No-fault divorce appears in many jurisdictions, divorce rate begins to climb;
• 1980’s: Praise your kids was the new mantra in parenting;
• 1990’s: As the economy tanks and rebounds, good paying jobs go and more families require two income earners. At issues is latch key kids;
• 2000’s: From computers in bedrooms, to video games to the introduction of the iPhone and then android operating system, technology consumes our attention and this generation;
• 2010’s: Technology abounds and usage has increased throughout all age groups, right down to infants with strollers adapted to hold iPads and wristbands to count our every step. We tell children the world is a dangerous place and they need to stay electronically tethered to stay safe. We wonder why children generally are more anxious than ever before.

     In the eyes of a young child, there is less support, supervision, and the transfer of values and morals by face-to-face communication.  Parents and children may be close in proximity, but not really communicating.  This is all crucial to children feeling safe and secure, loved, and valued as an individual.  Direnfeld also says that parents don't hold children as accountable as they did before, some believing that their children can do no wrong.  Because of this, a child's mental health is at risk.
     Parents may feel embarrassed or guilty about their child’s behavioral issues and also fear being blamed. Parents and teachers are argue against each other as schools try to manage the repercussions of all this in the classroom and parents seek to hold the educational system accountable to socialize their kids.
     Direnfeld goes on to say that in his practice he sees that we have a generation of rudderless disconnected kids. Of course in this context the usual parenting strategies become ineffective. To begin with, our children don’t recognize our authority and many harbor an unstated resentment for our lack of connection. It comes out as behavior. Thus when we seek to punish, take things away, badger and discipline, from the child’s perspective we are only widening the disconnect and escalating the resentment.
     Direnfeld suggest these practices to re-connect parents and their children:

1. Turn off your technology when you walk though the door. Hunt your child down and give them a kiss hello before anything else.
2. Have technology free periods of the day/week with your child.
3. Count the number of times you have a meal with your child. Going back some 50 years, and out of 21 opportunities a week, the number back then would have been near 21. Whatever your count, consider how you can increase it.
4. Take your child’s face gently and directly between your hands and tell your child outright, you love her/him. Do so daily.
5. Keep the tablet or smart phone out of the bedroom at least at bedtime. Buy an old fashioned alarm clock if needed.  (I had a student tell me that after the parents had gone to bed, this student got back out of bed and turned the movie that was being watched, back on.  This child said that was why he/she was so tired.  I didn't have a TV in my room until I was in high school!  Children need to learn how to self-comfort, not go to sleep to the TV or a movie.)
6. Resist consumer purchases when begged by your child or if to assuage your guilt. Instead, spend time with your child when you feel triggered to make a purchase on their behalf.
7. When your child acts inappropriately, think less about the consequence you will levy and the fight to hold them accountable and think more about sharing a little disappointment and that you think they are better than that. Let your child know you love him or her but that seeing the misdeed makes you feel sad. Do not come from a place of anger or hostility, but concern and love. Label your feelings so that your child may come to understand his or hers. Connect emotionally.

     The challenges parents are facing today are recognizing and working in the midst of the what has become the norm in many homes and not being driven off course by the resistance of the child who may not want to give up the trappings of an indulged lifestyle. It is as if the child needs to learn that good relationships and emotional connections really do feel better than stuff or things.
     Being connected to your kids through direct contact is key.  With an intact and meaningful connection, parents may not even need many of the discipline strategies we used to talk about. We will have settled the unrest and negative behaviors affecting so many children today.