Let's Talk About Playing

     So much on my mind, I just need to get it out there!
     The benefits of playing are the most important aspects of a child's young mind.  In playing, children develop the skills of problem-solving, cooperation, verbal and non-verbal communication, and their sense of curiosity.  They learn the important skills of taking turns, sharing, and getting along with others.  They learn to negotiate and to communicate with those around them.  Additionally, young children develop their fine and gross motor skills through play.
     Last week, I met in a vertical team meeting with kindergarten teachers to discuss what they wanted our preschoolers to know coming in to kindergarten.  Would you like to know what they said?  They said, "We want them to be able to play cooperatively."  That was the number one skill on their list!
     In an article by Gary Direnfeld, a social worker from Canada, this is the breakdown of the changes and challenges to parenting in the past 70 years:
To know what we can do differently, we first need to appreciate what’s creating challenges of children’s behavior and undermining a parent's authority. This brief history of the world is needed – or at least a brief history of the past 70 years. It goes like this:

• 1950’s: Intact two parent families with a primary breadwinner and a primary homemaker;

• 1960’s: Women’s Movement begins and gender equality begins to be examined publicly;
• 1970’s: No-fault divorce appears in many jurisdictions, divorce rate begins to climb;
• 1980’s: Praise your kids was the new mantra in parenting;
• 1990’s: As the economy tanks and rebounds, good paying jobs go and more families require two income earners. At issues is latch key kids;
• 2000’s: From computers in bedrooms, to video games to the introduction of the iPhone and then android operating system, technology consumes our attention and this generation;
• 2010’s: Technology abounds and usage has increased throughout all age groups, right down to infants with strollers adapted to hold iPads and wristbands to count our every step. We tell children the world is a dangerous place and they need to stay electronically tethered to stay safe. We wonder why children generally are more anxious than ever before.

     In the eyes of a young child, there is less support, supervision, and the transfer of values and morals by face-to-face communication.  Parents and children may be close in proximity, but not really communicating.  This is all crucial to children feeling safe and secure, loved, and valued as an individual.  Direnfeld also says that parents don't hold children as accountable as they did before, some believing that their children can do no wrong.  Because of this, a child's mental health is at risk.
     Parents may feel embarrassed or guilty about their child’s behavioral issues and also fear being blamed. Parents and teachers are argue against each other as schools try to manage the repercussions of all this in the classroom and parents seek to hold the educational system accountable to socialize their kids.
     Direnfeld goes on to say that in his practice he sees that we have a generation of rudderless disconnected kids. Of course in this context the usual parenting strategies become ineffective. To begin with, our children don’t recognize our authority and many harbor an unstated resentment for our lack of connection. It comes out as behavior. Thus when we seek to punish, take things away, badger and discipline, from the child’s perspective we are only widening the disconnect and escalating the resentment.
     Direnfeld suggest these practices to re-connect parents and their children:

1. Turn off your technology when you walk though the door. Hunt your child down and give them a kiss hello before anything else.
2. Have technology free periods of the day/week with your child.
3. Count the number of times you have a meal with your child. Going back some 50 years, and out of 21 opportunities a week, the number back then would have been near 21. Whatever your count, consider how you can increase it.
4. Take your child’s face gently and directly between your hands and tell your child outright, you love her/him. Do so daily.
5. Keep the tablet or smart phone out of the bedroom at least at bedtime. Buy an old fashioned alarm clock if needed.  (I had a student tell me that after the parents had gone to bed, this student got back out of bed and turned the movie that was being watched, back on.  This child said that was why he/she was so tired.  I didn't have a TV in my room until I was in high school!  Children need to learn how to self-comfort, not go to sleep to the TV or a movie.)
6. Resist consumer purchases when begged by your child or if to assuage your guilt. Instead, spend time with your child when you feel triggered to make a purchase on their behalf.
7. When your child acts inappropriately, think less about the consequence you will levy and the fight to hold them accountable and think more about sharing a little disappointment and that you think they are better than that. Let your child know you love him or her but that seeing the misdeed makes you feel sad. Do not come from a place of anger or hostility, but concern and love. Label your feelings so that your child may come to understand his or hers. Connect emotionally.

     The challenges parents are facing today are recognizing and working in the midst of the what has become the norm in many homes and not being driven off course by the resistance of the child who may not want to give up the trappings of an indulged lifestyle. It is as if the child needs to learn that good relationships and emotional connections really do feel better than stuff or things.
     Being connected to your kids through direct contact is key.  With an intact and meaningful connection, parents may not even need many of the discipline strategies we used to talk about. We will have settled the unrest and negative behaviors affecting so many children today. 

Technology and the Developing Child

     Technology is the future.  I cannot argue that.  What I can argue is the amount of time young children spend using that technology.
     According to an article written by Dr. Nicholas Kardaras, technology can be like digital heroin.  Children as young as three and four years of age are getting so wrapped up, focused, on digital games that they are losing interest in developmentally appropriate activities.  They want so desperately to reach that next level, capture that next gem, the list goes on, also leading to an increase in unacceptable behavior problems.
     According to Dr. Kardaras's research, "Many parents intuitively understand that ubiquitous glowing screens are having a negative effect on kids. We see the aggressive temper tantrums when the devices are taken away and the wandering attention spans when children are not perpetually stimulated by their hyper-arousing devices. Worse, we see children who become bored, apathetic, uninteresting and uninterested when not plugged in."
     He goes on to say that, " We now know that those iPads, smartphones and X-boxes are a form of digital drug. Recent brain imaging research is showing that they affect the brain’s frontal cortex — which controls executive functioning, including impulse control — in exactly the same way that cocaine does. Technology is so hyper-arousing that it raises dopamine levels — the feel-good neurotransmitter most involved in the addiction dynamic — as much as sex.
     This addictive effect is why Dr. Peter Whybrow, director of neuro-science at UCLA, calls screens “electronic cocaine” and Chinese researchers call them “digital heroin.” In fact, Dr. Andrew Doan, the head of addiction research for the Pentagon and the US Navy — who has been researching video game addiction — calls video games and screen technologies “digital pharmakeia” (Greek for drug).
     That’s right — your kid’s brain on Minecraft looks like a brain on drugs. No wonder we have a hard time peeling kids from their screens and find our little ones agitated when their screen time is interrupted. In addition, hundreds of clinical studies show that screens increase depression, anxiety and aggression and can even lead to psychotic-like features where the video gamer loses touch with reality."
     What can parents do?"  Parents who are constantly busy with their devices are also unknowingly having an effect on their child’s brain development. A parent who is permanently distracted by their tablet or phone is more likely to ignore their baby’s cues, and this can lead to the connection between parent and baby being lost. This back and forth engagement is an important part of secure attachment, which is critical for healthy brain development in children.
     The key is to prevent your 4-, 5- or 8-year-old from getting hooked on screens to begin with. That means Lego instead of Minecraft; books instead of iPads; nature and sports instead of TV. If you have to, demand that your child’s school not give them a tablet or ChromeBook until they are at least 10 years old (others recommend 12).  Have honest discussions with your child about why you are limiting their screen access. Eat dinner, at the table, with your children without any electronic device.     
      Liz Senior was recently interviewed on Carte Blanche for the ‘Techno Tots’ feature, which examined the impact that technology can have on children’s development. “While children may learn something from watching or interacting with a screen, the fact remains that children learn best when they experience the real three-dimensional world. Feeling, touching, seeing, moving, problem-solving and connecting with others is where children learn best,” she says.
Other negative consequences of too much technology include:
· Low tone and weak core muscle development
· Gross motor problems
· Obesity
· Weak social skills
· Concentration issues
· Lack of imagination and creativity
· Poor problem-solving skills
· Limited lateral thinking ability
· Impatience and aversion to hard work
· A constant need for instant gratification.
These suggestions are from Clamber Club’s top tips for responsible child technology usage:
1. Limit the quantity
     As a rule of thumb, children aged 2-5 years should have no more than one hour a day of screen time. Children aged 5-18 years should have a maximum of two hours per day. This includes all screen time – tablets, TVs and phones.
2. Set boundaries
     Don’t allow phones or tablets at the dinner table, and have set screen-free times for the family (parents included). Ban screen time before bedtime as it stimulates brain activity, and definitely don’t allow a TV in your child’s bedroom.
3. Monitor content
     Make sure the content is age-appropriate and reflects your child’s experiences in the real world. Violent programming is a definite no-no. Choose interactive programmes, apps and games that encourage your child’s participation. Content should also be wholesome, share your values and show positive interactions between characters on the screen.
4. Participate and engage
     Instead of always using screen time to keep children quiet and occupied, share the experience with them wherever possible. Engage with your child, take an interest in what he is watching or playing, and join in when you can.
5. Become a tech role model


     Spending all your free time on your phone and/or in front of the TV will send very mixed messages to your children about healthy technology usage. Instead, dedicate portions of your evenings or weekend to family time without technology – play cards and board games, build puzzles, cook and bake together, play outdoors with a ball, visit a nearby park, tell stories and read together. That way, not only will you be helping your child to develop into a healthy, well-rounded individual, but you’ll be giving yourself some much needed ‘off’ time too!

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and the Developing Child

     This summer I attended a couple of community discussions here in town that were presented the The Hutchinson Community Foundation.  One discussion was based on a video called "The Raising of America."  We viewed Part 1 (of a five-part series).  The series explores the question: Why are so many children in America faring so poorly?  The series investigates this question through different view:  What does science tell us about the enduring importance of early life experiences on the brain and body? What it is like to be a parent today? And what policies and structures help or hinder the raising of healthy, happy and compassionate children? The Signature Hour covers all three of these issues.
     ACEs is a term given to abuse, neglect, and household changes that children, under the age of eighteen, have experienced.  It is the belief that children experiencing ACEs have more health and well-being concerns that those children not experiencing them.  According to an extensive study by the Center for Disease Control and Kaiser Permanente, the following ACEs were identified:

• Abuse
  • Emotional abuse: An adult living in your home swore at you, insulted you, put you down, or behaved in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt.
  • Physical abuse: An adult living in your home pushed, grabbed, slapped, threw something at you, or hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured.
  • Sexual abuse: Any adult, relative, family friend, or stranger who was at least 5 years older than you ever touched or fondled your body in a sexual way, made you touch his/her body in a sexual way, attempted to have any type of sexual intercourse with you.
• Household Challenges
  • Mother treated violently: The mother or stepmother was pushed, grabbed, slapped, had something thrown at her,  was kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, hit with something hard, repeatedly hit for at least a few minutes, or ever threatened or hurt by a knife or gun by your father (or stepfather) or mother’s boyfriend.
  • Household substance abuse: A household member was a problem drinker or alcoholic or a household member used street drugs.
  • Mental illness in household: A household member was depressed or mentally ill or a household member attempted suicide.
  • Parental separation or divorce: The child's parents were ever separated or divorced.
  • Criminal household member: A household member went to prison.
• Neglect¹
  • Emotional neglect: Someone in your family helped you feel important or special, you felt loved, people in your family looked out for each other and felt close to each other, and your family was a source of strength and support.²
  • Physical neglect: There was someone to take care of you, protect you, and take you to the doctor if you needed it², you didn’t have enough to eat, your parents were too drunk or too high to take care of you, and you had to wear dirty clothes.
  
       The findings of this study showed that, over time, as the ACEs increased, so did the risk for the following for the child(ren):
  
  • Alcoholism and alcohol abuse
  • Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease
  • Depression
  • Fetal death
  • Health-related quality of life
  • Illicit drug use
  • Ischemic heart disease
  • Liver disease
  • Poor work performance
  • Financial stress
  • Risk for intimate partner violence
  • Multiple sexual partners
  • Sexually transmitted diseases
  • Smoking
  • Suicide attempts
  • Unintended pregnancies
  • Early initiation of smoking
  • Early initiation of sexual activity
  • Adolescent pregnancy
  • Risk for sexual violence
  • Poor academic achievement

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  To combat these ACEs, children need, safe, stable, nurturing environments so that children are able to reach their full potential.  This is the reason that the Hutchinson Community Foundation brought this film and discussion to the community.  They want to know what we can do as a community, and what resources are needed, to support positive family environments in our area.
  
  

Back to School: Year 31!

      For me, this is yet another year of new beginnings: a new school, new colleagues, a new principal, and a new age group of students.  Wow! 
     For the most part, I have not changed anything that I do with regard to building relationships with the families of my students.  I still call, before school ever starts, and introduce myself.  I invite them to Open House.  I still give out my cell phone number, with the parameters that anything I say before 6 am or after 9 pm may not make sense.  However, parents are free to text or call ANYTIME!  These are their babies that they are sending out into the world.  I feel it is my job to help everyone be comfortable with this new and exciting milestone.
     This is my first year with preschoolers in a while, though. I have found myself reminding myself that where the children are, when I've gotten them as kindergarteners, are where they need to be at the END of this school year!  Some of my students have JUST turned 4!!  They're still little!  :)
     With that being said, we have come so far even since school started on August 17th!  I am SO PROUD of my students!  They are very good at "going with the flow" and LOVE some of the movement and music activities they have been introduced to!!  We even performed for our principal!!  We have already learned to sit still for a story and are doing an amazing job sharing at centers!
     I say this as my very first group of preschoolers that I had in Kansas (I've taught in California, Nebraska, Missouri, and Kansas) are entering their senior year at Leavenworth high school!  I am hoping to attend their graduation in May and still talk to several of those families!
     With the exception of missing some of the people from my previous building, do I think that I made the right choice asking for a transfer?  Beyond the shadow of a doubt!

The Influence of Teachers on their Students

     This one is LONG, mainly because there are so many wonderful people out there who have influenced who I am and what I believe, so bear with me.  :)

     I  feel compelled to share with you about the teachers who have impacted my life and why.

     First, is Mrs. Maxine Moore.  She was my 2nd grade teacher in Lincoln, NE.  Shortly after school started my 2nd grade year, my father was killed in Vietnam.  He was coming in to an airfield from a mission and crashed his plane just three miles short of the runway.  To this day, no one is quite sure why.  Mrs. Moore went, what I now know, above and beyond to help me.  You see, in my small little 2nd grade mind, I thought that since my father died while I was at school, my mom would, too.  I remember hiding under the kitchen table and refusing to come out.  Mrs. Moore let me come into her classroom before the rest of the class to be her "assistant."  She didn't need one.  It was just to help me acclimate. 

     After my mom remarried, I wrote to Mrs. Moore.  When I attended college at the University of Nebraska, Mrs. Moore, now retired, would invite me over for Sunday dinner and offered her home as a quite place for me to study for tests and we visited, frequently, about questions I might have in my classes.  From Mrs. Moore I remembered and learned that teachers need to be compassionate.

     Next,  Mr. Larry Fletcher.  He taught high school English in our tiny farming community.  Because one section of English was during band, all the band kinds were in the same class.  BIG MISTAKE!!  We were all such GREAT friends!! 

     Back story:  My mom is and speech pathologist.  She had a student who was deaf.  The student spent a couple of summers at our house, learning to sign.  I learned how right along with him.  I taught it to all my friends, too.  As we got older, those friends were in band with me.

     Back to English:  To practice for our spelling test, we would play password with our spelling words, boys against girls.  The girls would always choose me as their captain.  I would spell the word under the desk and we'd ALWAYS get it on the first try (naturally!!)  :)  The boys could never figure it out!  They even said I couldn't be the captain.  It didn't matter since all of us knew sign language!

     Also, Mr. Fletcher would also make sure that I was one point from an "A" at the end of each quarter.  He would tell me that I needed to bake him something to get the "A."  My senior year, I may have been a bit mouthy and refused to bake for him.  To this day, my grade card has an "A" with four minus signs beside it.

     Mr. Fletcher's wife was a fifth grade teacher in our little school.  They were one of six to ten teachers that spent Friday nights, after ball games, out at our farm, singing John Denver songs, telling stories, and sharing pot luck food.  Every Spring Break, these same people went snow skiing with our family.  When  my boyfriend and I broke up my senior year, Mr. Fletcher came out to our farm to see if I was okay.  I still correspond with him and his wife.  <3  Such great memories!!  From Mr. Fletcher, I learned that teaching can be fun!

     Mrs. Diane Knutson.  I am Facebook friends with her.  She is now in Wyoming.  She was our band director.  We were her first students after she graduated from the University of South Dakota.  She pushed us so hard!  All of our hard work paid off.  With her leadership, we scored many superior ratings in concert band, jazz band, small groups, and solos.  She and her husband, a band director in a neighboring town, were also part of the Friday night group.  From Mrs. K, I learned that students will meet, even exceed, expectations.  I just depends on where you set the bar.

     Mrs. Fran Conneally.  She taught Senior Government.  Talk about pushing us!  She was the Queen of Handouts!  I later learned that she did this to enhance our lessons.  She was the ONLY teacher to assign a research paper, with a bibliography, my entire high school career!  I will be forever thankful for that assignment, which I stayed up until 1 a.m. typing (on a manual typewriter set up on a card table in my bedroom).  With only five students continuing onto a four-year college, I needed to know how to do a research paper.  Our last day of our senior year, true to our expectations, she said, "I have a handout."  We all rolled our eyes and groaned.  It was a letter to all of us, telling us how much she had learned from US!  :)  Again, I learned that students will achieve, and surpass, the teacher's expectations.  Students just need to know the teacher believes they can do it!

     Lastly, an instructor I had when getting my masters.  Honestly, I don't even remember his name.  I was part of a cohort of fifteen teachers in a previous school district.  We had an AMAZING cohort for a year and a half!!  Most all of our classwork was discussion, hands on kinds of activities.  I would recommend it to anyone thinking of getting a masters!  However, this particular instructor loved to hear himself talk.  He didn't even like to call on us if we raised our hand for clarification or to ask a question.  It was very frustrating!  Being the optimist that I am, I just HAD to find something positive about this class. 

     Finally, he gave it to me!  He was the instructor who encouraged us to start building relationships with families before school ever started!!  He challenged us to call the families and introduce ourselves as their child's teacher, invite them to Open House, give out our cell phone numbers (they can't be traced to your home.  :) ) and to call each family a couple of times and month, just to touch base.  He stated that if you build positive relationships with families early in the year, they are more receptive if and when something negative comes up.

     I started doing this immediately!  Most of the parents were shocked that I was calling!  Then they were pleasantly surprised!  I have to admit, I am a believer now!!  I give parents the caveat that they should call after 6 a.m. or before 9 p.m., because any time outside of that, I can't promise that I will be able to give them a logical, well thought-out response.  :)  I tell them that I have unlimited texting and messages and that they should feel free to contact me.

     Because I am an Early Childhood teacher, 31 years of either kindergarten or preschool, I can't tell you the number of times I've needed to send a text because someone is in tears because they forgot a library book or because they didn't wear tennis shoes on a PE day!! 

     From this instructor in my masters program, I learned the true value of building relationships not just with my babes, but with the whole family!

     These folks, mentioned above, are the best of the best.  They have all challenged me and helped to mold me into the teacher I strive to be every day.  They have all of my love and gratitude!

The World We Live In

     Scary stuff out there this past week would be an understatement!  Here's what I'm thinking:  Is this the legacy that we want to leave our children?  One of my favorite units to teach is the one I do as we approach Martin Luther King, Jr. Day in January.  Every year, my students are surprised that there used to be segregation.  In their world, they have not been segregated, at least not the way it was in the 60's.  When I separate my students into dark-skinned and light skinned groups and ask them to take a look at who is in each group it really hits home!  Most of them can't believe that in the 60's, they wouldn't have even had the opportunity to meet some of their closest friends.  In my classrooms, past and present, we don't see skin color.  We learn together, we grow together, we make mistakes together, we build friendships together.
     Tolerance is taught in most schools.  I know it is in ours.  We also teach rules and expectations.  This is harder for some students than others.  The struggle is real.  As teachers, we work diligently to help our students understand that.  We have little control over what our students go home to each night and what our students are being told there.
     Making the world a better place for the next generation needs to be a joint effort between the community and home.  When we see the reports on the news, I firmly believe that some of the fault lies with the media. They only tell part of the story and people get all riled up. Then they have more to report, while innocent lives are lost. It's job security for them. That being said, do I believe that, in some instances, there is police over-reach.  Sure I do.  In other cases, if the person, regardless of color, did as they were asked, they might still be alive.  Rules are in place for the betterment of our society.  We teach our children to follow them in school.  The rules also work in the real world, for the most part.  However, just like in schools, there are some who have a hard time following them.
    Am I naive enough to think that there are still people out there that judge by the color of skin only?  No, I am not that naive.  Do I think racism is learned? Yes.  This is not a "Black Lives Matter" hot topic.  ALL lives matter! EVERY person that dies is someone's child, someone's brother or sister.  Think about that as the new school year rapidly approaches and you have discussions around the dinner table.

So Much to Say....

     My head is swimming with so much of what has happened this summer, some of it big, some of it, not so much.  I'm debating with spreading it out between several entries or just one long one.  I think it is best to just start at the beginning:
     At the end of May, I became aware of a PreK opening in our school district in a different elementary building than where I've been for the last five years.  For those of you who don't know, I was teaching kindergarten when I became aware of this position.  After talking it over with my husband and a handful of trusted teaching friends, I made the decision to feel out that opportunity.  I met with the building principal.  Guess what!!  She has an Early Childhood background!  BONUS!!  A few days later, I was offered the position!  I accepted it.  :)
     I accepted for several reasons. When teaching kindergarten, I've had a handful of students each year who are not "kindergarten ready."  With education where it is currently, students entering kindergarten are expected to know more concepts, coming into the public school setting, than ever before.  Do I agree with this?  Let's just say that in 30+ years of teaching, district are expecting more and more from our littlest students.  I feel that, in changing to PreK, I can help prepare those students entrusted to my care, be more prepared to enter kindergarten with the skills they need to be successful.
     I also believe that I will be able to grow as an educator by changing grade levels and schools.  While I will miss the daily interaction with so many close friends and teaching professionals, I'm not leaving town, just schools.  Those who are my friends, will continue to be my friends and I will be able to see them outside of the school setting.
     Also, in teaching PreK, there is more professional freedom to do what I feel is best for children, while exciting them about learning.  I am SO EXCITED about that!!  So much of what I will be teaching in PreK is what I used to teach when I first started teaching kindergarten so long ago. What I will begin teaching in August will be age-appropriate and developmentally appropriate.  For that, I am truly grateful for the opportunity!
     Coming up next:  Thoughts on family.