What a Year It Was!

       Here we were, just coasting along, doing the things we normally would do, when, BAM, that stupid Coronavirus stopped us all dead in our tracks!  On Friday, March 13th, we had a meeting after school to discuss what changes we would be making in the coming week, to get us through until Spring Break.  My students were bringing in their leprechaun traps in the hope of catching that sly, little character. 

     By Sunday night, the 15th, we were informed that the buildings would not reopen for the week of the 16th. We had small, socially-distanced meetings to determine how we could best deliver instruction, moving forward. I am blessed to work with three other ROCKSTAR preschool teachers in our district! We came up with our plan and implemented it with very few hiccups. Our families were understanding and did their absolute best to work with their kids. (Honestly, I think we were all in shock.) We finished the year doing remote instruction.

     Late spring and summer provided me with TWO opportunities to go visit my parents on the family farm and stay for a week both times! After all that was the last quarter of the school year, it was an amazing opportunity to relax, reflect, and renew. I was also able to renew a friendship for high school.

     Also, this summer I was honored to be chosen to be a part of "Navigating Change," which is the state's plan for the reopening of schools this past fall. I met, and worked with people I may not have otherwise ever crossed paths with. It was hard work, but also valuable work.

     We were able to start school, later than intended, face-to-face and have remained in this mode of instructional delivery until now, even with the rapidly climbing numbers in our state and county.

     In November, our daughter, Abbey, was able to get married. Because you never know what the weather is going to be like in Kansas, she was able to get married in the courtyard and the reception was inside. There were roughly 45 people in attendance and Abbey and Alex provided custom designed masks for everyone! It was so much fun to have all three of our kids together again

     The week of Christmas, I received a call from Jacque, our oldest, asking if they could come up here for Christmas. They live in San Antonio. They had plans to go visit some of her husband's family in the Phoenix area, but some of the people there were exposed to the coronavirus. Of course I said, "YES!!"  All three kids back together, again. We ate lots of food, played lots of games, enjoyed each other's company, and laughed until our sides hurt.

     What I need to say is that in the midst of a catastrophic world event, such as this pandemic, there were silver linings everywhere I looked. There is still much to be thankful for!

     In 2021, we are looking forward to the marriage of our son, Luke, to his high school sweetheart. Again, so much to be thankful for!

Screen Time in Preschool

      Our district bought all four PreK classrooms iPads on a cart. There are twenty iPads on each cart, plus one for each teacher, equalling a total of eight-four iPads. None of the PreK teachers even expressed an interest in having classroom sets of iPads. I'm sure if you asked the others on the team, there would be something else we would have asked that money to be spent on. I am equally sure that the reason we got the iPads was due to the pandemic.

     Here's the thing, though. A couple of years ago, I heard the Kansas State commissioner of Education speak at a state conference. Here is a direct quote from a Q & A session with him: "I believe that every child under the age of eight, should have a play-based education." Does that include screen time? I can assure you it does not.

     A play-based classroom has the following:

• Play-based preschool classrooms are set up in sections, usually having a kitchen area, a reading area, a sensory table, a block area, an exploration area, and more. Much of the class time is made up of free-choice centers, where children go to one of these areas in the classroom and “play”.
• Teachers may incorporate academic skills through theme-based activities and may add thematic props to classroom learning centers.
• The main goal is to develop SEL skills by teacher modeling. Students cannot learn these skills from interacting with a screen.
• Students’ progress is monitored by their participation in hands-on activities and observational assessments, not by worksheets and drills.
• The teacher acts as a facilitator of learning rather than a lecturer of direct instruction.
• Play-based classrooms are more about the process of learning and are less concerned about the product. Teachers work hard to create an atmosphere of discovery, exploration and appropriate risk-taking. Screen time does not do this for students.
• Academics are taught by weaving literacy and math into all learning areas. 
• Play is the context in which children can most optimally learn, because it is the most efficient way for children to process information.
• Some experts now claim that one of the greatest predictors of life-long success is a child’s ability to control impulses (self-regulation), which is learned in social environments.  As previously mentioned, social environments are made available through play-based preschool programs.
• A worthwhile play-based program will have teachers engaging or adding on to children’s play, not dictating it.
• Rich language and math skills must be carefully thought-out. 

Here are a few of the concerns about screen time, especially with young children, and the list continues to grow:

• What we can hypothesize is that screens could inhibit certain aspects of a child’s development by narrowing their focus of interest and limiting their other means of exploration and learning,” says Dr. Jennifer Cross, attending pediatrician and a developmental and behavioral pediatrics expert at NewYork-Presbyterian Komansky Children’s Hospital. “If young children spend most of their time engaging with an iPad, smartphone, or the television, all of which are highly entertaining, it can be hard to get them engaged in non-electronic activities, such as playing with toys to foster imagination and creativity, exploring outdoors, and playing with other children to develop appropriate social skills.
•  Young children learn by exploring their environment and watching the adults in their lives and then imitating them. Excessive screen time may inhibit a child’s ability to observe and experience the typical everyday activities they need to engage with in order to learn about the world, leading to a kind of “tunnel vision,” which can be detrimental to overall development.
• Language development expands rapidly between 1½ to 3 years of age, and studies have shown that children learn language best when engaging and interacting with adults who are talking and playing with them. There is also some evidence that children who watch a lot of television during the early elementary school years perform less well on reading tests and may show deficits in attention.
• The blue light from screens inhibits melatonin, which can delay sleep. And watching TV or playing games also keeps our brains and bodies more alert and activated and less ready for sleep. (Tablets and smartphones will suppress the melatonin more than TVs because the screen, and that blue light, is closer to the face.)
• Keep bedtime, mealtime, and family time screen-free. Don’t use screens in the car except for long trips, and consider setting a curfew or an agreed-upon time when your family shuts off all screens. Balancing online and offline time is extremely important.
• Limit your own phone use. Kids will do what they see their parents doing. At a young age, their parent(s) is the most important person in their life, so they will model whatever behavior they are seeing. If they see that you’re behind a screen all day every day, then they’ll see that it’s acceptable and will want to do the same.     

     In addition, we've had these iPads for two months. TWO MONTHS!! Do we have any PreK-appropriate apps on them? We do not. This is in spite of creating and filling in a spreadsheet with the name of the app and the site to go to in order to load the apps onto our iPads. So, currently, these iPads, on the cart, are basically taking up space and are completely unusable by my students. FOR TWO MONTHS. In my very humble opinion, they are nothing more than an unwanted waste of money and space.

Rejoice

     Meet Rejoice! Our class adopted Rejoice through a program called "Discovery Dairy." This program pairs a classroom with a dairy farm, typically in the same state. They also provide lesson plans and updates.  I am so excited to share this sweet baby with our class tomorrow!

     The meaning of her name is not lost on me. With all of the questions and turmoil this school year has brought to all of us, I am rejoicing that we have been able to maintain face-to-face instruction, so this calf's name is very fitting for this school year and our class. This year is going to be about rejoicing every day that we're able to be together!

     I decided to do this as a part of teaching my class about animals, habitats, where their food comes from, an appreciation for their environment and nature, in general.

 

The Deep, Dark Hole That is Covid-19

      I was lost for awhile.  I had fallen into a deep, dark hole that is Covid-19. If you're a teacher, I know you can relate. It's not a good place to be. It's a scary and overwhelming place to be. I felt like nothing I was doing was good enough for my students. I didn't feel like I was giving them my best. I was crying every single day, sometimes even at school.  It's just too much!

     I hate that there are plexiglass dividers on all of my students' tables.  We have to clean them daily, sometimes more than once because of food, boogers, Play-Dough, and any other variety of "unmentionables."  There are larger, taller plexiglass dividers in my block area and in my manipulative area. One step down the hole...

     At the beginning of the school year, our district sent out guidelines for a "gating criteria" that showed how schools would function based on the positive testing rate for our county.  Guess what? We're not following it. Another step down into the hole...                                                                                                                              I needed to remind myself that these were just "guidelines" and not gospel.  Because of our building's number of kids choosing remote learning or being homeschooled, we didn't need to change all that much, except for only have one classroom at a time at recess, not the whole grade level.  Part of me was really angry about not following the gating criteria, the other part of my knows that I would much rather be in the classroom with my kids and my classroom aides than be teaching remotely. I hated that this past spring!

     We have three meals a day in our classroom. In the past, students came to our classrooms between 8:05-8:10, after eating lunch in the cafeteria and whole-school morning announcements. Now they come straight to the classroom at 7:40 and eat breakfast there.  We also have lunch and an afternoon snack in our classroom. Sometimes when I come into school in the mornings, I have to clean sticky spots on the floors or tables that the custodians have missed. Further down the black hole... My amazing classroom aides and I clean the room better than the custodial staff most days. We do it for the kids and each other, even though it's not our job. I could go on about the cleanliness of the room, but it serves no purpose. We do what we need to do for the kids. Every single day, I am grateful that our classroom is still tiled. Most of the other classrooms in the building are carpeted. Gross!

     I have a handful of students who show up without masks every single day.  We're on Day #27. Masks have been mandatory since school opened in September. Some of those masks are disgusting, as only a preschooler's mask can be. Despite many reminders about keeping masks clean, it still happens. Going deeper down the hole...  So, we now have disposable masks in our classroom, labeled with the students' names. If a munchkin comes in with a mask needing to be washed, we wash them, and the child wears the disposable one until their cloth one is cleaned.

     We've had several adults out at our building, either quarantining due to exposure or because they have actually contracted Covid. This causes people to have to cover for them, at times, because the number of Guest Teachers (substitutes) has dwindled considerably. Another step further into the dark...                                                         I feel like, in the building where I teach, everyone has gone above and beyond to help each other out. That doesn't mean it's not exhausting. It's what an amazing group of caring, compassionate educators does! As one of my colleagues said, "We rise by lifting others." I truly believe that we do that at NES.

     After a particularly tough day (aren't they all anymore?) a very wise confidante said to me, "Why have you changed? Why have you stopped doing what's best for your kids? This isn't who you are, as a teacher."  Even though it stung a little, it was the reality slap I needed.  So I've climbed out of that hole, for now. I'm back to closing my door and doing what's best for kids!  Much like flying, which we are all doing, by the seat of our pants, since this is new territory for everyone in education, I'm putting on my own oxygen mask first.

An Unprecedented Start to a School Year

     Covid can go away! I know it's not, but, sheesh! When you've been teaching as long as I have, you tend to think you've seen and experienced it all. Boy was I wrong!  Many of my followers know that I served on the State Department of Education's "Navigating Change" back-to-school implementation committee and the school district's reopening committee. The State Department of Education put out a very thorough guideline packet of information. School district and counties were then tasked with using those guidelines to formulate a plan for their particular county and districts within that county. Our county devised a "Gating Criteria" which includes different levels of delivering instruction, based on the county's positive testing rate.

     School was "supposed" to start August 12th.  That week, teachers came to their buildings to learn of the district's plan for reopening, some other professional development, and to plan for what each teacher would need for their classrooms to enhance social distancing.  Those items were then ordered and a start date of September 3rd was given.

     The school year started in "The Green Zone." Full class sizes, full school day, masks being worn when social distancing could not be maintained.  Within the first two weeks, we were in "The Yellow Zone." The Yellow Zone is class sizes under 15 students. Masks. Students being released at 1:10.  Guess who had the only class over 18?  The decision was made to move three of my students to the PreK-3 class. We did this by the birthdays closest to the August 31st cut-off date.  Two weeks later, we were in "The Orange Zone," which says, class sizes of 10, masks at all times,  students leaving at 1:10, no mixing of classrooms or grade levels on the playground. At this point, the determination was made to move four more of my students to the PreK-3 class, which is now a mixed class of 3s and young 4s, putting both classes at 13 students. Because our numbers are so low throughout our building, we were able to keep students at school for the full day, which is a huge benefit to our students.   As I write this, last week we were Yellow, but will be Orange this next week.

     I don't think that anyone dreamed that we would get to Orange as quickly as we did.  At a couple of points, it felt like we were flying by the seat of our pants, which is true for school across the country.  My little people and their families have been amazingly flexible and understanding as we navigate "Ridiculous Covid."  I feel like, after 18 school days of craziness, learning routines and procedures, not knowing who was going to be in which class, we can now move forward with the reality that is this school year and with flexibility, perseverance, and grace.  Grace, first and foremost, with our kids, then their families, our colleagues, and our administration.  With grace, compassion, and understanding, we can get through our new reality of what the school year will look like.

Let's Talk About Twitter!

      I know what some of you are thinking. "I don't need Twitter." Let me tell you something I learned very quickly: You DO need Twitter, and here's why.

     About five years ago, I was attending a conference in Houston. It was an amazing conference, filled with amazing educators! Can you say Gerry Brooks? Ron Clark? An opportunity of a lifetime! I have pictures!  One of the breakout sessions was lead by Kayla Dornfeld of Top Dog Teaching, and the North Dakota Teacher of the Year in 2019.  Her presentation was nothing short of AWESOME!!  Afterwards, I went up to her to pick her brain about all things Early Childhood. She asked me if I was on Twitter because she shares a lot of pictures and ideas there. I told her I was not and was actually digging my feet in on setting up an account. In her usual excited way, she encouraged me to jump on the bandwagon, start an account and follow her.  I had my laptop with me and she even talked me through it.  Friends!  I'm here to tell you, DO IT!

     In the past five years, I have met amazing people that I can only pray to meet in real life!  In Twitter-verse, I have been challenged, lifted up, and cheered to move forward with an idea.  On days when I've questioned my calling into teaching, I have been encouraged.  I have a couple of favorite stories:

     A few years ago, around Christmastime, I was participating in a Twitter chat and mentioned that I asked for "Trauma-Informed Schools" by Jim Sporleder and Heather Forbes. Back Story--I heard Jim speak, locally, and thought, "Yes!  This is always what I've thought education should be!" and I followed him on Twitter just so I could read his words about trauma-informed teaching. Fast-forward to the Twitter chat.  When I said that I was asking for the book, I tagged Jim in my tweet. I received a direct message from him...WHAT?!?!? I have it saved. It said, "Isn't there something else you'd rather receive from your family?"  I replied with "Receiving this book would mean the world to me."  He said, "I'll send you a copy. Ask your family for something else."  Again, WHAT?!?!  Friends!!  My copy of the book is AUTOGRAPHED!!  Since that time, I've actually talked to Jim at national conferences twice!  In the education world, we have heroes. We call them Edu-Heroes. Jim is mine!

     Another story about connections through Twitter is this one:  I was participating in a Twitter chat and the moderators (people posing the questions) asked for people to submit stories about why they became and educator. (My story is further down in my blog somewhere).  I thought, "What the heck?" so I submitted my story.  A while later, I received an email from them, asking if they could publish my story in a book! The book is full of stories from educators across the globe and I am honored to have mine as one of them,  The book is called, "Stories is Edu: Sailing With a Fleet" it was compiled by Jason Bretzmann and Kenny Bosch. I even did a podcast with the two of them!  Fast forward to a conference where Jim Sporleder was speaking. He had a slide that quoted my story from this book! Mind blown!

     When you join Twitter, you can "lurk." Lurking is when you find a chat that sounds interesting and you just follow what all of the other participants are saying, and that's okay!  You can participate by "tweeting" out your own thoughts and ideas. This is so validating to me, as an educator, because then others "like" what you've said or comment on what you've said. I can't begin to tell you the number of times I have been in the dumps and these chats have lifted me up, personally and professionally. You can also moderate a chat.  Many times a chat will ask for Guest Moderators.  All you have to do is volunteer!  I think, at this time, I've moderated five or six, and have another coming up in the Kansas Teachers twitter chat next month. I have my favorite chats set on the calendar on my phone. I don't participate in all of them all the time, but if I'm not doing anything, I will definitely chime in. I have a few that I would never miss! That's how motivational they are!

     I started out "following" Kayla Dornfeld, Jim Sporleder, and some local friends that were already on Twitter. I only use it for educational purposes and to follow my college football team. Since that time my network, or PLN (personal learning network) has grown! If you like what someone says or if they teach a similar grade level, "follow" them! Share your ideas! It's a great way to collaborate outside your local area!  When others like a comment or idea that you've shared, they can "follow" you, too. Just because they follow you, doesn't mean you have to follow them.  For example, in the past five years, I have acquired 3,095 followers and I "follow" 1,340.  Sometimes, people or entities I follow, don't follow me back or don't share very often and that's okay, too.

     Interested in starting a Twitter account, following me, or learning more? Hit me up! I'm happy to share what I know.

The Teachers Are Not Okay

   
     In less than a month, school is supposed to start. The starting date has been pushed back until after Labor Day by our governor. This week, the state school board will vote on whether or not to uphold the governor's decision.(Why that's even a thing, I have no idea)  With all of the uncertainty created by Covid, this will look different all across the United States, actually even district by district. Right now, it is really difficult to be a teacher. I have had to step away from reading anything having to do with schools reopening and here's why:
1. Teachers want to go back! We miss being in our classrooms and being with our colleagues. For me, personally, I feel like I'm missing a part of my identity right now. Teaching is what I've been doing for over half my life! I miss those smiles, the funny things the kids say, my amazing classroom aides who make me laugh every single day. I miss the hugs and those ornery smiles that make you wonder what a kid is going to do next. I miss the collaboration with my peers and all of the smiles, laughs, and inside jokes.
2.  When schools shut down last Spring, teachers were given no warning! None!! On Friday, March 13th, we met, after school, as a staff, to talk about what precautions to put in place, regarding cleaning and social distancing to get us through the week leading up to Spring Break. We were good to go. Then Sunday night we got a robo-call saying that schools in our district would not be opening on Monday and to expect an email about what was next. We met in grade-level teams and planned how we were going to make our way through uncharted waters doing something none of us had ever done before. And you know what? We did it! We adapted our lesson plans. We shared resources and activities. We did weekly one-on-one video chats. We had Zoom sing-alongs (which were life-giving, I think, for all of us!) We did our best to maintain relationships with all of our kids. Did some interest drop off after awhile? Yes. But we never stopped trying!  Our district provided devices to families that didn't have one. They provided hotspots so families could connect.
3. I get so tired of hearing, "but not PreK." When we made the shift to distance learning, all the rest of the students had been assigned district email addresses...but not PreK.  All other classes could use the Google Suite of tools and applications....but not PreK.  We had to make due with what our families could access. Fortunately for my families, we had been utilizing a classroom Facebook group for everything going on in our classroom, so I just continued to share information there. It worked out fine and families were familiar with it, however there were things within Google Suites that would have enhanced the students' learning, had they been able to access it.
4. I am not willing to take the chance, and make my classroom a petri dish of a science experiment to see how children spread the disease. "Children can't get it." False. Children can also be asymptomatic carriers, bringing it in to the classroom for others to take home to family members who could be immunocompromised. Last year, I had a student diagnosed with leukemia. If another student had been a carrier of Covid, that would have been a life-or-death situation for my munchkin with cancer. And then there are all the kids with asthma. Their little lungs are already compromised.
5. What if I caught it? Is there some special dispensation for putting my life on the line just to do something I am so very passionate about? Will I have to use my sick days to self-quarantine?  Currently, teachers are flocking to their attorneys to assign Power of Attorney and write Living Wills. It shouldn't be this way! Teaching has never been considered a hazardous job. But, right now, that's what it is. Teaching has never been about the money. Those who teach do it because they have a passion for it. That passion shouldn't cost them their lives.
     Teachers deserve to feel safe. It's bad enough that we have to practice for an active shooter. We go to bat for our kids every.single.day. We love on kids who may only hear "I love you" at school. We give our kids healthy foods three times a day. We give them the safety and security to learn, make mistakes, and grow. We listen to them. We hear their stories, and sometimes those break our hearts. We teach them how to resolve conflicts without fighting. We teach them how to share, take turns, cooperate, and so much more! We genuinely care about each and every one of them.
     Don't think for one single moment that your child's teachers are not struggling. Please don't blame the teachers and don't get mad at us. We aren't the ones making the decisions right now. We're just like you, waiting for the next proverbial shoe to drop. We don't know what's coming next, but whatever it is, please know that teachers will continue to go above and beyond for your child. We're scared, too!

In Case You Were Wondering...

     In case, you were wondering, your freedoms that you take for granted, are not free. Those freedoms were bought and paid for by the very lives of those people who gave their lives fighting for those freedoms. So, when you're blowing off fireworks until the wee hours of the morning, celebrating your freedom, please remember that for some of us, it's a day to honor those people who gave their all to give you that right and say a prayer of thanks. This is my dad. He was 34 when he died in Vietnam. I was 7....

Reflections on Year #37

(It took me awhile to wrap my head around how the year ended)   
     Just when you think you've seen it all....
     Year thirty seven began with all new furniture and some new supplies! With the help of my two AMAZING classroom aides, we were able to create a warm and welcoming learning environment for the incoming four-year olds. Calm colors and light covers made our classroom almost cozy.
     In our care, there were twenty-two children. Most of them had been together the year before, in the half-day, three-year old class. Some of them had gone to the same daycare for most of their lives.  Assimilating a handful of new children into the mix was no problem at all!
     We were all so busy! How could you not be with twenty two four-year olds? But man, did we have fun! My classroom aides are truly amazing at reading my moods and body language and can joke me out of almost anything. It was not uncommon to see all three of us laughing about something. Truly, one of the best school years in my career.
     ....then Covid happened....
     I dismissed my kids on Friday, March 13th, with a hug and a "have a great weekend." Little did I know that would be the last time I'd see many of them in person. We were just one week shy of Spring Break. Then everything changed.
     In the blink of an eye, we went from in-class learning to "distance learning." Let me just say this now: I did not go to school and obtain two degrees to teach children from behind a computer screen. It stinks! With the help of my PreK team and the parents, we made it work. Was it ideal? Absolutely not! Did I lose some families along the way? I sure did. It was the best we could do within the time permitted. So I recorded myself reading stories from our curriculum, posted an alphabet/reading activity and a math activity once a week, and just for fun, scavenger hunts each week. The parents did really well and adapted to being their child's teacher. The PreK Team made a decision to do a video chat with each of our kids every week, just so we could put our eyes on them and really check in with them. My class also did three Zoom class sing-alongs. Those were so fun and it was fun to see the kids see each other!
     In a nutshell, Year Thirty Seven was good and we adapted. It will be interesting to see how things go this next school year. Just like each year, it's a wait-and-see game.

You CAN Go Home.

home /hōm/. noun: home; plural noun: homes. a place where something flourishes, is most typically found, or from which it originates.

You can take a girl out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the girl!

     Last month, after being virtually locked down for eight weeks, I grabbed the opportunity to go home, to Northeast Nebraska, to the farm where I grew up.  I spent a week! I can't remember the last time I was able to spend a week on the farm. Typically, for me now, it's a long weekend here and there.  It was glorious!  I love springtime on the farm! Everything was green and flowering. There were calves chasing each other through the pasture. There were kittens. After being isolated, due to the pandemic, for so long, it did my heart and soul so much good to see all of this rebirth.

     My parents are still able to live on the farm and for that, I am very thankful. To spend a week with them and watch them reaffirmed that this is their happy place.  My dad, who is nearly 94, gets around now with a walker or cane. He'll still climb in his pickup and drive around the farm to "check on things," and sit on their front porch to watch the world go by.

     My mom has learned to drive the zero-turn mower and you should see her go!  Her flower garden is beautiful and her vegetable garden is tilled with tender loving care. Together, they have lived and loved on that farm for fifty-one years. It was so relaxing and heart-warming to spend so much time with them.

     Who says you can't go home? 

Learn to pronounce

noun

A Country in Pain

I've been silent for too long when it comes to Racism and the murders of our black and brown brothers and sisters. I have re-committed myself to the fight for Civil Rights and Social Justice.

A Country, in it's foundational documents, that pledges "With Justice For All" and t starts with "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that ALL men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness  - it's time we start living this truth, and stand up for those who are unable to do the same.

Love one another, does not come with disclaimers and everyone deserves the right to live without fear. White people, especially, have been silent for too long and it's time to choose a side, either your "Anti-Racist" or "Racist" there's no longer any middle ground left to stand on.

The Five Stages of Grief and the Pandemic

     The five stages of grief, as identified by Elisabeth Kubler Ross and David Kessler, are as follows: The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression,  and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with loss. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. Here are my own, personal, thoughts about the end of the school year and the Corona Virus Pandemic.

• Denial: What?? It's bad enough that we have to close schools? Can't we just keep it business as normal for one more week, until Spring Break, when the buildings can be thoroughly decontaminated? Sure! The kids can eat breakfast and lunch in the classroom to keep the number of students congregating to a bare minimum. It's only for a week. Why have I not heard anything about this crazy virus until about a week ago? How did it get this bad so quickly? Is this some form of a terroristic threat? How will I know if my students are alright? How will I know if my family is alright? I was going to go wedding dress shopping with our daughter, then go to the farm to see my parents. All of a sudden, travel was “strongly advised against,” and leaving the state was prohibited. Practically overnight! This is serious!
• Anger: So angry!! I can't see my parents. I can't see our kids. I'm stuck at home. Digitally teaching.....four-year olds. Yeah, right! Pity party? Damn straight! I've been teaching for 37 years, almost all in early childhood. I have a masters degree. Life, as I've known it, has always centered around teaching. Teaching is supposed to be a face-to-face, hands-on, profession—not a digital one. I didn't get into teaching to teach from a laptop! I just didn't! I NEED the laughter, tears, challenges, and successes that come from watching my little people grow and learn. Spring time is my favorite time to teach! We've incubated eggs, watched caterpillars make cocoons and hatch, then let them go on the playground, we've planted seeds and watched them grow. This is the time we celebrate all that we have become over the course of the school year! Poof! Gone.

• Bargaining: Well...maybe we could just go see our kids at their homes? No. Maybe we could have small groups? Nope. We could be carriers and not know it, thus perpetuating the spread of the virus. How can we have relationships with our kids if we have to do it through a screen? When you're teaching the littles, they have to rely on their parents to get them online, to help them do the activities. My little people can't do this on their own. This isn't how the end of the school year was supposed to be! How can we fix this? Bottom line---we can't.
• Depression: Where I currently am. I went to school today in order to prep my room for summer cleaning. It was like a time warp. The count-down caterpillar was still on 117 days of school. The calendar was on March 13. Frozen in time. It was weird! The whole time I was there, I kept hearing the funny phrases and laughter of the children who should be in the classroom. Depressing? You bet!
• Acceptance: I'm not there....yet. It's going to take me awhile. This isn't how the year was supposed to end. We were supposed to have a small program and sing some song for our parents. We were supposed to celebrate our school family, together! Cheated? Definitely! It's going to take some time to process and accept this.

If I'd Only Known...

This post has been taking shape in my head for about a week now.

If I'd only known...

I would have made that drive to Nebraska in February when I had a three-day weekend.

If I'd only known...

I would have made more of an effort to see our children and granddaughter.

If I'd only known...

I would have spent more time doing things outside the house with my husband.

If I'd only known...

I would have spent more time visiting with local friends and colleagues.

If I'd only known...

I would have hugged my sweet students a little harder before they left for what we thought was the weekend.

If I'd only known...

Stupid Covid

     Who knew that the last time I would see my precious preschoolers again, in person, would be months away when I said, “I love you! Have a great weekend! On Friday, March 13^th? Never, in my wildest dreams, did I think our time together would be cut short by an entire quarter of school! That's what this crappy viral pandemic did, though!

     I spent the weekend, putting things from winter, Valentine's Day, Dr. Suess Week, and Dinosaurs back in their correct tubs in the basement. I pulled out the items for Weather, and Planting and Growing. I put it all into my rolling cart, ready to take back to school to work on my lesson plans for the remainder of the school year. My mind was filled with thought and ideas of how to make the rest of our time together exciting and educational.

     I had so much I still wanted to do with them! I had received Growing in a Glove kits we were going to use for planting. I have milkweed seed from my parent's farm that I was thinking of using in a bare spot on the playground to enlist the help of some parents to start a butterfly garden. Thank heavens I hadn't ordered my caterpillars yet! We were going to watch them eat through their special food, make cocoons, hatch into butterflies, and release them on our playground. I was almost ready to get eggs from the county extension office to incubate and hatch. The kids would have loved it!! This is my favorite time of the year and I don't get to share it with them!

     I get it, but I'm bummed. We have to keep the kids, their families, and their families safe. On the flip side, I just feel so cheated. I feel cheated on missing eight weeks of instructional time. I feel cheated on the spring activities and experiences I had planned. I feel cheated out of our Sensory Walk at the nature center, followed by sack lunch and outdoor play in the Children's Playscape. I feel cheated out of making Mother's Day gifts with my kids. I feel REALLY cheated out of the preschool program and graduation. The kids are always so stinkin' adorable. I just want to be with my kids! Stupid Covid! I didn't even get a chance to tell them good-bye!

Tell Your Story-Ripples

I'll never forget the day that the big black car with the two men in full Air Force dress uniforms knocked on the door of our tiny duplex in Lincoln, Nebraska, before school on September 20^th, 1968.

When I was seven years old, my father was killed in Vietnam. He was returning from a routine flight in a fighter jet and crashed just three miles short of the runway. No one can explain the crash or why he was even flying that plane. You see, he was trained to fly the largest planes, the B-52 bombers. Why he was flying a jet remains a mystery. His plane was not shot down, nor did he report any mechanical difficulties. It just went down. My father was pinned beneath the wreckage and it was said that he died instantly. The news of my father's death was so devastating that after the two men left, I remember just sitting on my mom's lap with my younger brother and crying our hearts out.

Later that week, we had to fly to Long Island, New York, because that's where my dad was raised and where the family burial plot was. That where my grandmother wanted him buried, although he could have been buried in Arlington. But he was her only child and she wanted him close. I remember staying at my grandmother's house with a family member during the church service because my mother thought it best my brother and I not go to the church. After the church service, we were picked up and taken to the cemetery for the burial.

Upon returning home, I was so afraid that something would happen to my mom. I didn't want to go to school. I screamed, cried, and hid under the dining room table. I didn't want to go to school. The logic of a seven-year old: My dad dies when I was in school, so maybe my mom would, too. We were at an impasse.

My life was forever changed by two incredibly caring educators. Two women to whom I will never be able to repay my debt—Louise Shuman and Maxine Moore, the elementary school counselor and my second grade teacher, respectively.

At school each morning, my mother would drop my brother and me off at the designated door. One of these ladies would be there waiting for us every day. I remember sitting in Mrs. Shuman's office, talking and coloring pictures. Mrs. Shuman's office provided me a quiet place, a place where I could come to school and feel safe. A place where someone would listen to me, my thoughts, and my worries. Who I remember most, though, is Mrs. Moore.

Mrs. Moore would allow me to come into her classroom before the rest of my classmates each day and doo odd jobs for her. I sharpened pencils, passed out morning work, and did other small jobs for her. These are things she would have normally done herself, but she saved them for me. We would talk, which allowed me to feel comfortable in the classroom before the rest of my classmates arrived. Her compassion, caring, and understanding were game-changers for this scared little second grader. You would have thought the story ended there. It did not.

The next year my mom remarried and we moved to a farm a couple of hours away from Lincoln. Even though we lived in a different community, we still kept the same dentist back in Lincoln. Every time we'd go to the dentist, we'd meet Mrs. Moore for an after-school snack. Secretly, my mom and Mrs. Moore worked together to make sure this happened. Because Mrs. Moore cared that much, she wanted to stay in touch with my family and me. I never did lose the connection that Mrs. Moore and I had built over the years.

After high school, I returned to Lincoln for college. One of the first teachers to influence my young life in a positive way continued to impact me and my future. Mrs. Moore, my second grade teacher, wrote one of my reference letters for my acceptance into the University of Nebraksa-Lincoln. Because of her amazing influence and compassion, I, too, decided that I wanted to be a teacher. I had a dual major in Elementary Education and Early Childhood Education with a minor in music education. Many evenings, throughout my college career, you could find me at Mrs. Moore's home, studying or talking about current trends in education. In addition, on those weekend that I didn't go home to the farm, you could find me enjoying Sunday dinner with the Moore family. The impact that Mrs. Moore had on me when I was just sever years old and the bond we formed lead me to a career in education and the desire to focus on relationship-building in my own classroom.

Now, as I have been teaching over thirty years in the area of early childhood education, Mrs. Moore is on my mind each and every day. She was the first teacher, of so many, to have a positive impact on my life. I do my best to emulate the care and compassion I learned very early on from Mrs. Moore. The relationships that teachers build with their students can be long-lasting.. What I learned from Maxine Moore is that you never know how your influence on the life of a child will impact them! In all that you do, show every child that you love them and want what is best for them. Her care, compassion, and life-long connection started with a little, scared second grade girl who needed her. She had no idea what the long-lasting, far-reaching impact would be. Yet she inspired a life of learning and a life of teaching. Her gentle guidance kept me headed in the right direction. That ripple reaches out in directions and guides in ways we may never know.

Triggers

Triggers

     When a person has been through a traumatic experience(s) and had the resources to com out on the other side, there are still sensory and verbal triggers that can bring it all rushing back. Sometimes it can be a certain smell, like cologne or perfume, or even a food. Other times, certain words or phrases could be a trigger.

     In my case, the first is seeing any type of military aircraft. My dad was an Air Force pilot and his plane went down in Vietnam when I was seven years old. So when we go to football games, and there's a fly-over, I get teary. Every time, even though it was more than fifty years ago.

     Another one is “You owe it to me.” This will almost always force me to curl up inside myself and rock and cry. This is why I take anti-anxiety medication. The phrase may not have anything at all to do with what happened when I lived in California. Just hearing those five words blocks everything else out and I'm back in the moment. Scary stuff!

     The last one has to do with when I taught in Leavenworth and had a parent threaten me. He was referred to DCF (not by me, but another school employee) and this father thought I had made the referral. “I have guns and I'm not afraid to use them.” Holy crap! In addition, he went into the local DCF offices and trashed them, overturning tables, desks, and chairs. The school was put on lock down. However, I was in the original four-room school,” that was not attached to the main school building. This building housed music, art, gym/cafeteria, and my classroom. Because of the classes going back and forth, it was never locked. NEVER.

     My principal came up with a “code word” I was to use on the intercom if this parent ever came out of the gym, toward my classroom. It was “I need a dozen new pencils.” So, you can pretty much guess what happened when this parent came toward my room, which he had a restraining order against doing, but since he didn't need to go past the office, no one knew he was in the building. I locked the door and called the office. I said, “I need a dozen new pencils.” They sent a sixth grader over with twelve new pencils.... It's comical if you aren't living it. It was one of two times I ever dropped the f-bomb on a principal. His code word and he couldn't even get that right. I told him I was done. That if I saw this parent, who had a restraining order, I wouldn't be calling the office. I would be calling the police. Do you know how quickly police respond to a school? I do!

     I say this because we need to be aware of how we talk to people and what we could inadvertently say that could be a trigger. We also need to be aware and think about what we could do to help diffuse the situation if it happens. Helping people who have be through something traumatic needs to be something we think about in the same way we think about, and practice, crisis drills. You can't plan for every scenario, but you can be aware of calming strategies.

#MeToo

#MeToo

     I just finished a non-fiction book (my reading choices are all over the place!) entitled “She Said” by Jodi Kantor and Megan Twohey. The two authors are reporters for the Washington Post and won a Pulitzer Prize for breaking open the Harvey Weinstein case. If you will remember, he is the former Hollywood movie producer who was charged with using his power to sexually assault women over several decades. The authors of “She Said” interviewed his accusers, women who were afraid to come forward for fear of repercussions from Weinstein.

The agonizing that these women went through has prompted me to share my stories, in the hope that they will help someone else. Consider it facing my demons and sharing my trauma.  If this post can help someone else, then coming forward will have been worth it!

Story #1: College. For two years I lived on the same dorm floor, but different rooms, on the 13th floor of Abel Hall floor, at the University of Nebraska. I made some awesome friendships there! There were people coming and going all the time! Most of us left our doors open while we were studying so we didn't miss out on anything. It was the early '80's. One evening, I was sitting at my desk, studying when well known football player walked into my room. (He was higher than a kite!). Everyone knew him. He frequented our floor a lot. I said “Hi!” to him. He asked me why I wouldn't go out with him. I told him he'd never asked. He said, "It's because I'm black."At that point he shut my door and locked it. He threw me down on my roommate's bed. I told him that he needed to leave. That if I screamed, he would lose his football career. 

I firmly believe in guardian angels and as luck would have it, my next door neighbor was experimenting with some kind of drug and had passed out. Her roommate had called 9-1-1. So at about the time that I was thrown onto the bed, police and EMT's were on our floor. I said, again, “If I scream, you're done here! There are police right outside the door.” Praise the Lord, he left. If my neighbor hadn't OD'ed, the outcome could have been much, much different.

     The more I thought about it and talked to my close friends about it, I decided it needed to be reported. I reported him. About a week later, the Dean of Student Affairs (ironic name!) called me. She told me to lock my door and come back to the phone. My attacker had just left her office and there were sanctions placed on him. He was angry and headed my way. As I talked to her, I watched his car pull up in front of the dorm. He was met there by campus police and taken into custody by Lincoln Police. His scholarship was revoked. After leaving the university, he ended up a drug addict and went to prison.

Story #2: During my first marriage (Yes, I was married before) my then-husband punched me in the shoulder while I was holding my infant daughter. I went to a friend's apartment. She took pictures. The bruising went into my right breast, he hit me so hard. As soon as I could make arrangements, I flew back to Nebraska (We were living in California at the time). Because he made some lame-ass promises that I believed, after about three weeks, I went back (I know. Stupid!). About a year later, on one of the rare nights he was not fucking his way across Orange County, CA, (pardon the language) he wanted to have sex. I told him “No.” I didn't want any of his diseases. He threw me down on the bed and raped me, as our three year-old cried. Again, I left. I went to the Seattle area to visit my brother and sister-in-law. When I got home, there were sparkly panty hose in our daughter's bed. They were not her size. I told him it was one thing to endanger the health and safety of me, who should have common sense and be able to take care of myself. It's a whole new level when you endanger the health of your child. His words were: “You want me out? File.” So that's what I did.  He was served on our fifth wedding anniversary.  I moved all his stuff to the garage and changed the locks on the house. He could only get into the garage to get his stuff. After he moved his stuff, I sold the house and moved back to Nebraska. Long story short, without the gory details, he gave up his parental rights. My current husband adopted our daughter. We never have to see him again.

     Bottom line: Say something. You may give someone else the courage to leave an abusive situation and/or to come forward with their accusations. If you are or know someone else who is, in an abusive situation, get help and get out.

My 2020 "One Word": Blessed

I chose my word even before doing a couple of quizzes that lead you to suggestions for what your word could be and it came out the same, even after the quizzes, so I must be on the right track. This is my third year to choose “One Word” rather than doing the traditional New Year's Resolution. If you've never heard of this concept, here's how it works: Participants choose a word that they feel they want to focus on and/or drive their life for the ensuing calendar year. That word becomes your focus word.

When I first embraced the “One Word” concept, the word I chose was “Peace.” I wanted to be at peace in my personal life and my professional life. It seemed as if whenever I was struggling with something, this word would somehow appear to me in my reading, in a story, or in a conversation and I knew everything would be alright.

Last year, I chose the word “Strength.” As it turns out, at the time, I didn't know how badly I would need this word. While I chose it for a completely different reason, I still needed to lean heavily on strength for many reasons this past year.

This year, I am blessed! We have been married for 30 years, which in and of itself is a huge accomplishment! My parents have celebrated their 50^th wedding anniversary (Who knew?!?! They say they did!). We have three amazingly successful children that we are immensely proud of. They have chosen life partners that we couldn't have chosen better for them if we'd tried. We have one incredible granddaughter who seems to excel at anything she puts her mind to.

On a professional level, I have rediscovered my “happy place” in the classroom after a rough year last year (Remember? I said I needed “strength” last year??). I am so thankful for two amazing classroom aides, a staff of caring adults, and an administration that is so supportive, at both the building and district levels.

So, you see, I am blessed! Let's do this, 2020!