How Do You Say Good-Bye?

    As I write this, tomorrow will mark three months since Chuck’s spirit left us for heaven. I have mulled over how to put his loss into words for quite a while. I probably still won’t get it right, because his loss is ever-evolving, I hope that this can give some insight.

     Chuck was born, prematurely. He had multiple surgeries before the age of three. That didn’t stop him from being a four-year, four-sport letterman throughout his high school career, though. Whenever he would have his sports physical, doctors would always say, “He’s got some kind of murmmur. We’ll keep an eye on it.”  

     Fast forward to when he was thirty-four, married, with three children. He contracted strep and it settled in the fluid around his heart. In the middle of finding this medical problem, doctors found an aneurysm between the two upper chambers of his heart and a hole under that aneurysm (Remember? He’s got a murmur??) He had open heart surgery to repair that. It was around this time that I began to realize that my days with him were numbered. This led to a lifetime of problems with afib. He had multiple procedures to try and correct it, but nothing really seemed to do the trick. In 2015, he had a pacemaker/defibrillator implanted.

     Before Chuck got sick this winter, he was in the best shape of his life. His weight was down, he was active. We were remodeling an 1873 limestone schoolhouse. Then he got sick. He just couldn’t shake it, like he had done in the past. Then his pacemaker started sending out an alarm. He called his cardiologist. They told him the lifespan of his pacemaker had run its course and it needed to be replaced, so that’s what we did.  Never once did it occur to me that he wouldn’t rally. He always had before.

     But that was not to be the case this time. His heart was simply too sick  For the life of me, I still don’t understand how someone with such a huge heart couldn’t rally, but it was not to be.

    How do I say good-bye to someone I’ve shared more than half my life with–the good, the bad, and the ugly?  We share three beautiful children that I know he would be immensely proud of every single day of their lives, the chosen spouses of our children, again, who are amazing humans. And those grandchildren?? Those children would light up his face every time he was around them!

     As for me? There’s just a big hole.I’ve lost my confidante and best friend. He was my biggest supporter, and while we may not have seen eye-to-eye on everything, he would still be there to listen. We had a comfortable life, working on the house and spending time with kids and grandkids. Now everything is in turmoil and I’m just trying to make sense of it and make choices that are right for me, in my new reality, and make him proud.

      I know he’s watching down on all of us, holding his grandbabies that went before him, playing with the dogs that went before him, and sharing laughs with his family members.

#OneWord2025: Rise

      As I was pondering my new word, and writing down options that I thought might apply, this one just jumped out at me!

     My favorite song, "You Raise Me Up, by Josh Groban was the catalyst:

         "When I am down, and oh, , my soul so weary.

          When troubles come and my heart burdeded by

          Then I am still and wait here in the silence

          Until You come and sit awhile with me.

          You raise me up so I can stand on mountains

          You raise me up to walk on stormy seas

          I am strong when I am on Your shoulders

          You raise me up to more than I can be."

Then, as I was praying, my favorite scripture came to me, and I knew I had chosen the right word!

Isaiah 40:31 says "Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not be weary, they will walk and not faint."

     There are a couple of reasons I feel strongly about this word, one personal and one professional.

Personally, I have had one knee replacement surgery and am looking at another the beginning of the summer. "Grueling" doesn't begin to cover the physical therapy, but it's going to be so worth it! I've got young grandchildren to chase around and a house that still needs lots of remodeling work done.

Professionally, I will continue to fight for my students, even when it feel like I am standing alone. There are many, many times that I feel like others are saying "Well, we don't have those services for PreK." or "That doesn't apply to PreK."  PreK is foundational for all future educational successess, but that is a blog for another time. For the purpose of this blog, let's just say that I will rise up and work tirelessly to get my students the support they need to be successful.

Rise!

I AM JUST SO DAMNED PISSED!

      Another school shooting.....

      Two teachers...dead

      Two students...dead. Many more injured.

      When will it stop? 

      When will all of the lawmakers do the right thing and take the necessary steps to help alleviate these kinds of tragedies from continuing?

     I know, I know.....

     There's all kinds of blame to go around and we've heard it all:

• It's the parent's fault for not locking up their guns.
• It's the classmates' fault for not noticing something was "off" with another classmate
• It's the school's fault for not addressing the mental health needs of the students

    And the list goes on and on and on....

Bottom line? Until our lawmakers step up to the plate and make this the national problem that it truly is, and allocate the funding to address ALL of it, nothing is going to change. NOT ONE DAMN THING!  We're just going to keep losing teachers who were only trying to protect their children, along with innocent children. While we all just stand back and wring our hands. It's time to #DOSOMETHING

Join me. This is the link to a foundation set up by THE Matthew McConaughey and his wife, Camila, in the aftermath of the Uvalde, TX school shooting.  https://www.greenlightsgrantinitiative.org/   Share it with every school administrator you know, far and wide. Let's start a movement!! For our children and our teachers!

Safety and Protection

      In light of last week's assassination attempt, I'm curious, political affiliations aside, is this going to do anything to change our gun control laws, nationally?  I'm guessing not. I'm guessing that lawmakers will treat it as an isolated incident or the colossal screw up of one law enforcement agency or another.

     This is why it concerns me: If highly trained Secret Service and law enforcement officers are unable to protect a former, running President, what makes ANYONE believe that teachers are capable of protecting a classroom of children?

     In my classroom situation, alone, I have a door that leads directly from my classroom to the parking lot, which borders a busy street. That door is all glass. On the opposite side of my classroom are three, floor-to-ceiling windows. Also all glass. If a shooter wanted to get into my classroom, it would be no problem and it would be over before anyone could respond.

     I'm not saying that this is a building problem. It is a district problem. The district is charged with making sure our buildings are safe for our students. The buck stops at the district office.They have the money.  Can you really put a price tag on the safety of the students?

     It's also a gun control problem. Why does Joe Shmoe, on the street, need an AR-style gun? He doesn't. The only people who need those types of guns are law enforcement and our military. Changes need to be made and they have been needed for quite some time. I hope that this latest assassination attempt opens the eyes of some of the  naysayers.

Do Better!

      As I was driving home from school on Thursday, along a busy street, with no shoulders, I noticed a little girl off to the side of the road. She looked to be about the same age as the preschoolers I teach. Across the road was a small park.  I could just see her trying to dart across the traffic to get to the swings! I slowed down, just in case, and kind of took in the setting. There was no adult to be seen.  The little girl was spinning around the speed limit sign (40 mph, which no one was obeying)

     In this day and age, I was afraid to pull over and take her back to her house, so I called the police. I could just see her getting hit or taken. After giving the dispatcher all of the information, he said they would send someone out "as soon as they could."  I decided to turn around and watch.  Do you know how long it took the police to respond to an unaccompanied child next to a busy street in Topeka, Kansas?  THIRTY-FIVE MINUTES!! Unacceptable!

     By the time they got there, the little girl was off running around her little neighborhood. Even though the police had her description, they merely cruised right past her and kept going. Who knows how far from her actual home she was?  Do better!

#OneWord: 2024-"Engage"

     For the past several years, rather than make a New Year's resolution, that I'm never going to keep, I have chosen one word to be my focus for the ensuing year. I started doing this after reading the book by Jon Gordon and friends, when I learned about the book on a Twitter post.

     Honestly, my word for each year just "comes to me," like an "aha" moment and this year was no different. I started thinking about possibilities for my word, and then, like a bolt of lightning, it hit me: "ENGAGE!"  How had I not seen this before?

     You see, I have spoken at conferences about Family Engagement for awhile now. I wrote the book: Teamwork Makes the DreamWork, about the importance of engage families. It's something I am passionate about in my career. I am the primary-level Family Engagement Coordinator for our elementary building, along with an intermediate Family Engagement Coordinator. PreK-5th grade, we have a student body population of around 570 students.

     Engage my students. Make them want to come to school. Help them to be excited about learning! Heaven knows we don't want them to feel like coming to school is a chore, or boring. Let them play! Children learn best by playing! (That's a whole different blog post!!)

     Engage their families! Invite them in! Let them be a part of our learning experiences! I have a monthly Family Engagement Friday, where the families of our students are invited in for a morning of learning with their children! It's a win-win situation! 

     We also send home monthly learning packets, with instructions, so that families can help their children learn. I believe that many times our families want to help their children learn, they just don't know how. This year, over half my class is non-English speaking, so I send EVERYTHING home in Spanish, as well. I want to be all-inclusive! 

     The response has been amazing! It even led to my classroom being awarded a grant for our Family Engagement Fridays! In December, three members of the Topeka Public Schools Foundation even joined us for our Family Engagement Friday!

     My motto for this school year, which also just came to me during a conversation with our principal, is: "If not us, then who?"  If we don't do, then who will? Who will engage these students? Who will engage these families to help these students, entrusted to our care, become successful humans? It's up to us! IF NOT US, THEN WHO?

Remember Her Name

 Zoey Felix. Five years old. Remember her name.

Zoey Felix was brutally raped and murdered by a man her farther knew.

Zoey, her father and her sister, were homeless, as was her attacker. They lived in a tent in some trees visible from the gas station where her father worked. This is where Zoey was attacked and raped.

Zoey, with her bruised, beaten, and broken body, tried with her last ounces of energy to get to her father, but fell in the field beside the gas station.  With her dying breath, she tried to get help. Remember her name.

Where was her mom? Oh, Mom was on probation for child abuse. Zoey Felix. Remember her name. She was just five years old.

Neighbors looked out for her. She played with their children. She even went to preschool for a time. There were calls to DCF. Before being evicted, they house she stayed in lacked utilities. She was often left alone and wandered the neighborhood. She was FIVE YEARS OLD.  She was failed by DCF. She was failed by her preschool. She was failed by her neighbors. She was failed by her family. Remember her name.

In the past two years, DCF received twenty-three calls regarding the household of Zoey Felix. TWENTY THREE calls in two years. And still, Zoey was at home, left alone to wander the streets of Topeka, being cared for, bathed. and fed by neighbors. DCF did nothing. Remember her name.

Zoey was five years old. She lived in a homeless tent city. She was left unsupervised by her father. She was raped and murdered by a twenty five year old homeless man. She was failed by the very systems and people who were supposed to keep her safe-to protect her. Those people should be held accountable. I hope that they are.

With Zoey's dying breath, she tried to get to her father. EMTs tried to save her life, but her tiny body was too bruised and beaten.

Zoey Felix. Remember her name.